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Fiery Disaster in Cebu City

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My young brother in law works in Cebu City and we are very proud of him. At 19 he moved there almost a year ago and is now in the middle of his 2nd working contract. Lots of work in the Philippines is on a 5-month contract basis, no doubt so that the employers can avoid shelling out benefits that we Americans would consider essential to the basics of life. My BIL works in a mall, 6-days a week, for what is, by American standards, shockingly low pay. Apparently the Philippines needs Bernie Sanders 🙂

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Janet and I hear from him regularly but it is obvious that life in the big city is difficult, work is hard, and fame and fortune are far away. But this Christmas made it even harder.

Christmas Eve my BIL called home and told his mother he missed the family. Because of his work schedule he could not take the 3-hour bus ride home to the provinces in Alcoy and asked her whether she could send his father to come spend Christmas with him. Drama ensued but father was convinced and the next day he and his youngest son were on the bus heading for Cebu City.

Upon arrival, my BIL was working and encouraged his father and brother to stay in his tiny room, where he would join them later that night. His father turned down that suggestion, saying he would go see his brother who also lives in Cebu City. In all likelihood, even by provincial Philippines standards, my BIL’s room left something to be desired. As you will see this turned out to be literally a life and death decision.

The youngest son accompanying his father, was ecstatic to be in Cebu City. No matter what culture you live in, the big city offers kids delights and distractions that no small town, with its “take it for granted” vistas and beaches, can rival. But that night, from his brother’s home, my FIL noticed a large fire in Lahug, the area of Cebu City my BIL lives in.

My BIL’s rooming house, as well and between 60-100 other homes were burned to the ground. Janet and I got bits and pieces of details over the next couple of days. Here’s a few links to the news stories showing the extent of the disaster:

http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79510/lahug-fire-leaves-300-homeless

http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79622/theres-reason-everything-fire-victims-coping-loss

http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79623/fire-victims-assured-no-relocation-you-can-go-back-to-your-place
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Because of the nature of the very poor Lahug neighborhood, where streets are just alleys and fire trucks cannot pass, the fire department was incapable of controlling, or even getting to, the inferno.

And how did the blaze begin? A lit candle unattended, used at night by a household with no working electricity. Interestingly, the newspaper literally named the offender.

My BIL was devastated. At 19 he had little, but all his clothes were gone, except for the work uniform he was wearing. His few possessions, such as a rice cooker and fan, were gone. And perhaps most importantly to him, his important documents were gone; documents such as his high school diploma, which in the Philippines are hard, if not impossible to replace – all gone. In addition, with what little money he earns he had bought Christmas presents for the kids which he intended to send home with his father; all gone. His loss was just as devastating to him as the loss of our homes (and all the stuff in them) would be to you and I.

Of course the good news, which was repeated over and over, is that he was safe. His father and brother had not gone to his room and so they too were safe. And in fact, despite the devastation to the neighborhood, apparently no one died in the fire.

SITO AVOCADO LAHUG FIRE AFTERMATH/DEC.27,2015:Acting Cebu City Mayor Edgar Labella talk to resident of sitio Avocado Barangay Lahug who were affected of fire the other day during his visit in the area.(CDN PHOTO/LITO TECSON)
SITO AVOCADO LAHUG FIRE AFTERMATH/DEC.27,2015:Acting Cebu City Mayor Edgar Labella talk to resident of sitio Avocado Barangay Lahug who were affected of fire the other day during his visit in the area.(CDN PHOTO/LITO TECSON)

Now the Cebu City government, which is just as effective as our own FEMA, set up temporary shelter and food at a school, and promised victims a small payout, which my BIL is hoping to be able to take advantage of – maybe. BTW, if you look at the article and see talk of 5000-10000 pesos to the victims, that’s the equivalent of between a little over $100-$200. And let’s face it, these folks aren’t calling State Farm or Allstate to make a claim.

Fortunately the family, as generally happens in the Philippines, has chipped in. Janet’s cousin, living in a nicer area of Cebu City offered a room, not only to my BIL but to his two roommates. Oh, did I forget to mention that BIL lived in that room with two friends, who also lost everything.

I have no funny or wry conclusions here. We are very sad for BIL, but like most Filipinos he will survive, the smile will return to his face, but he will have learned a life lesson no one should have to learn.

 

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The Philippines – It’s Like the 50s Only More Humid

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If you’re past a certain age (and since I don’t want to offend anybody I won’t say what age that is) the first time you go to the Philippines you invariably come back thinking, “the place is right out of the 50s.”

As fellow blogger, Max Veracity, says in Living in Dumaguete, “time seems to stand still in this country as fads which were popular before these ladies were born are still current … today.” Fad number one is music. The first time I arrived in Manila and got in a taxi I was surprised to hear the radio play oldie after oldie; the stuff I grew up with; nothing past 1980. I assumed the driver, a middle-aged guy like me, liked him his golden oldies music. Hmmm…not quite. The next time I got in a taxi the driver was playing the same station. Quite a coincidence, I thought. That is until I heard the same station blaring out of a store.

How did I know it was the same station, besides the ancient play list? Because the same little kid yelled out the promo, “WIN Radio, WIN Radio” a thousand times until I heard it in my sleep. In fact, it sounds sappy, but now when I arrive in the Philippines and grab a taxi and hear that kid yell out “WIN Radio, WIN Radio, WIN Radio” I get all warm inside and feel like I am home. I mean I’m Jewish and they’re playing Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow. I have to feel at home, right?

In short, 70s and 80s music is modern music in the Philippines!

Then you have karaoke which hit it’s heyday in the US about thirty years ago. But every Filipino knows how to sing American songs from decades ago and they do it in every conceivable place. I mean coin operated karaoke machines on the beach? That seems a bit obsessive doesn’t it? When I hit the beach the last thing I am thinking about is singing. Swimming, snorkeling, checking out bikinis, drowning in an undertoe – sure. But Beach Blanket Karaoke? Not on my radar.

You want to dance in the Philippines – go to the local disco. Yep, they still exist. Travolta would feel right at home.

Malls: The financial pages are predicting doom and gloom for this year’s Xmas retail shopping season in the US. Mall traffic is down; brick and mortar stores are dying. But in the Philippines? They continue to build bigger and bigger malls. SM Seaside City Cebu Mall, will be the biggest mall in the Philippines (and 4th largest in the world) with 1000 shops and restaurants, is about to open; ok, based on Philippines time, who the hell knows when it will open. The point is mall construction is exploding in the Philippines.

These are not little strip malls like when we grew up. They are luxurious shopping cities. I’ve said this before, but it’s hard to imagine how a relatively poor country like the Philippines supports such high-end malls. Somebody’s hiding some cash somewhere. All I know is when we arrive in Cebu Janet is a very happy wife 🙂

Foods: I like many Filipino foods but other expats complain.  Fried foods, grease, cholesterol, pork, ice cream and chocolates are staples in the Philippines. Frankly people say this like it’s a bad thing 🙂

The issue isn’t the quality of the food; the issue is the country is right out of the 50s. Remember what we ate when we were kids? When hots dogs and beans was considered a quality meal. When proper cooking of  a steak meant how bloody could you cook it and still have it be considered dead. When vegetables came out of a Birdseye bag. When a healthy salad meant a chunk of iceberg lettuce with a tomato covered in Thousand Island dressing, aka mayonnaise. BTW, this is still my fave salad. The first time I got a salad at a restaurant in the Philippines it was a chunk of iceberg with some watery Thousand Island; they didn’t even bother with the tomato. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven!
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Roosters: We all know that roosters and chickens are ubiquitous in the Philippines, even in the cities. How does this relate to the West? I’m watching the Godfather Part 2 for about the hundredth time and in the scenes in New York City when Vito was a young man there were roosters and chickens in the middle of the NYC streets. OK, it wasn’t the 50s and I doubt that Coppola had been to the Philippines at the time (he was there later for Apocalypse Now) but still it was a touch that defines the modern from the old. In short, we had roosters too damn it, so stop complaining.

Family: Everyone’s attracted to the old fashioned family values in the Philippines, though if truth be told if those values no longer exist in the West, we must be somewhat to blame. But if you ask almost every expat they will tell you that they love the attitude towards the family, the elder members of the family, as well as the perceived attitudes toward marriage and divorce. Well, at least they love it until the family asks them for money 🙂

Women’s Attitudes: OK, here we have a sensitive subject, at least in the West. Ironically we’ve never had a woman President in the US (yet) but they have had in the Philippines and women do well in politics and business there. That being said, it’s easy to view women’s attitudes and gender differences as right out of our parents’ or grandparents’ generations. I image that, “Hey Edith, get me a San Miguel” can often be heard in the Philippines. (OK, it’s an old reference – look it up).

Recently Janet and I were out with a longtime female friend of mine. The two women got some alone time and my friend asked Janet what she liked to do with her free time after work. Janet told her she liked to “cook, bake and clean.”  Do I really need to tell you all how that answer went over?

 

 

 

 

 

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“Helping” Your Philippines Family

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Today, I’m in an ornery mood and am going to give my take on one of the most controversial and trickiest (that is if you want to stay married) issues there is in a Fil-Am marriage: how to “help” your Philippines family.

First, let’s get the basic terminology out of the way. “Help” is a euphemism for money. If your fiancee asks you whether you are willing to “help” her family, she is not talking about performing household chores when you visit her in the provinces.

I bring this subject up today because I am on a forum and a guy there is asking about it. He’s looking online for a Filipina to potentially marry and wants to shell out as little green in the process as is possible; a good fiscal conservative, I suppose. He is assured by all that some form of “help” is essential. He is adamantly against that and begins to propose strategies to avoid “helping.” Surely, he reasons, he can find a middle or upper class Pinay whose family is loaded with pesos; there must be a few single Marcos or Aquino women lying around. No, we assure him; there aren’t many attractive, young and rich women interested in a poor, aging Westerner – especially one who refuses to “help.”

Finally he decides to search for women without parents and who want no children. Yep, lots of those in the Philippines 🙂 Apparently he’s also not yet heard of lolos and ates.

I honestly don’t know how this “help” business became a Philippines-only thing. Even among Western couples, assuming you stay married long enough (and maybe that’s the problem) someday you will be “helping” some family member(s). When my maternal grandfather got cancer (I was 12) he came to live with us. My maternal grandmother had a stroke and lived in a nursing home. I was too young to know the details but I have to assume my father shelled out some cash for the care of those inlaws. In those days it was part of the deal. Few women worked and the guy paid for his family and quite possibly hers as well. And she in turn took care of everyone, including his parents. The kids stayed out of the way and learned the hard and unpleasant truth about Poligrip.

In my childhood neighborhood this was quite common. Grandparents lived with their children/grandchildren. Are we so delusional that we don’t realize who paid or at least “helped.” Today we take the elderly in less often, preferring to farm them out to assisted living centers; BTW, you all have my permission to off me with a 357 before sending me to one of those. But regardless, someone’s got to pay.

OK, this piece is getting morbid which wasn’t my intention. My intention was to tell you all to man the hell up and pay – or at least contribute.

The best way to work this all out in a Fil-Am relationship is a radical one; talk to each other about it. I won’t get into too many of the specifics of what Janet and I do and don’t do, because frankly it’s none of your damn business 🙂 but we’ve talked about it from the beginning of our marriage, continue to talk about it regularly, make decisions together, and then take action. Or sometimes choose not to take action.

I know guys who claim that they have never “helped” their Philippines family. There is a name for that kind of husband in the Philippines – a liar 🙂 OK, there’s another name for such a husband – horny. Take your pick.

I know guys who claim that they have never “helped” their Philippines family. There is a name for that kind of husband in the Philippines – a liar 🙂

I also know foolhardy guys who wildly pay for everything, wanting to improve the quality of life for their new family. Of course it’s their money and if they want to buy an aircon for every room in their family’s home, or get each of their BILs a motorbike, and each SIL an ipad, then I need to ask these fools one thing and one thing only – how do I become of member of that family?

I have known plenty of guys on both the too little and too much end of the spectrum. Eventually it hurts the marriage and they have to find a moderate solution.

The following are some of the areas of “helping” you might need to discuss. I am not going to tell you what to do or not to do (what am I crazy); I just want to list areas of consideration:
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Emergencies – I consider emergencies to involve major medical problems or funerals but it’s possible for your BIL to consider that motorcycle he wants you to buy to be an emergency. You and your wife must come to an agreement on what constitutes an emergency. I’d recommend leaving the BIL out of that discussion.

BTW, just because you agree that there is an emergency does not mean you are responsible for paying for the entire emergency. I told the story recently about Janet’s uncle’s funeral; we did contribute, but just a modest amount of the cost.

Monthly Assistance – Many couples send an allowance to help the family with recurring bills. The advantage I suppose is that sending a set amount is easy. The disadvantage is that you may not be positive how it got used. Instead of a sack of rice or two, it could be going for a motorbike payment.

Education – Many Filipinas, wanting a better life for their younger siblings or cousins, send back money for education. The good news is that private education and college in the Philippines can be quite inexpensive. OTOH, if someone mentions the term “International School,” start taking out a loan or run.

It’s not unusual for the sister married to the kano to propose the following Pay it Forward type of arrangement: “I will pay for your college and you will work and contribute to the next kid’s college.”

Misc. – Janet and I have contributed small amounts of money for a variety of things: doctors appointments, meds, school clothing and supplies, etc. The amount is generally trivial.

Of course with all this you get into the question of who pays. If your wife does not work, the answer’s simple dude – you pay. If your wife works it gets more complex; do you ask her to pay out of her paycheck or share the expense. I am of the old school way of thinking that all the money that comes in is ours jointly, regardless of whose paycheck it came from. Actually I am from the old school way of thinking that all the money that comes in is hers, but let’s not tell Janet that 🙂

BTW, if you are as lucky as me to have a really nice Philippines family (and in my modest experience most are) you will be thanked for your efforts from here until your death bed.  Everyone will remember that last year you paid for the meds, bought a school uniform, contributed a small amount to the funeral, etc. Enjoy being the hero. You don’t get those accolades very often in my culture!

 

 

 

 

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The Submissiveness of Filipinas

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Once again a guy posted, wondering if women from the Philippines are submissive. He wants a humble, feminine and submissive woman. I get what he means and I suspect in this instance he was sincere. But I told him that in my experience while many Filipinas I know are humble and feminine they are about as submissive as rabid pit bulls.

I get it – it’s a stereotype – the docile Asian woman. It gets particularly tricky since the word submissive has multiple connotations, one or two of which are kind of fun.

But I think in this instance the connotation was that many men, whether we admit it or not, would sometimes like to be the boss in their relationship. I’m not going to rail on feminism but as far as I can tell the last American guy who was “the boss” was Tony Danza. Sorry, it’s an old reference, but then I’m an old guy:)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086827/?ref_=nv_sr_1

I’m not going to rail on feminism but as far as I can tell the last American guy who was “the boss” was Tony Danza.

There’s no question that there are some Western men who are creeps and want a combination of servant and sex slave. These are to be avoided by Filipinas and kanos alike.

But for many of us, we left previous marriages feeling battered and defeated, unable to make marriage work either though old- fashioned “hey Edith, get me a beer” methodologies or by trying to embrace modern gender re-balancing.

The Philippines is in some ways like being transported to the 50s. For me, I thought the modern, new age, we’re all equal, is what I wanted; that is until I first went to the Philippines. I found that I liked women who wanted to look good to attract men. I liked the girls throwing out flattering lies. I liked the family dynamic and the slightly conservative culture, which was inconsistent with my political or social views. And of course, mostly I liked Janet.
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Let me tell you just how submissive Janet is. I have mentioned a couple of times that Janet was promoted at her job and I am very proud of her. The other day at work one of her superiors walked by her with a quick order for her to instruct her employees to improve their attitude towards customers “or else”. He kept on walking. Janet was infuriated by his condescending and threatening tone toward her. She came home and vented and threw out a couple of threats herself. Fortunately we don’t own a bolo.

The next day she went to the Store Manager and complained. I think some tears were thrown in for good measure. He promised to have the manager in question apologize to her. She said that wasn’t good enough. “He must apologize to my whole department.” The Store Manager repeated that he would straighten it all out.

A couple days later the offender asked to speak to Janet and called her into his office. I am sure he will regret this for a long time. He apologized to the max as she yelled at him. Ultimately he said, “I have apologized to you many times. What more do you want me to do?

Janet replied, “I am not satisfied. You make me angry to the bone.”

She called me to tell me of the confrontation. She wasn’t scared; she sounded proud of herself. And frankly I am proud of her too.

So while Filipinas often make great wives, don’t expect them to be submissive. That could be a costly mistake – for your oten 🙂

As for my wonderful Janet –  when we move to the Philippines, I’m not buying a bolo!

 

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Cultural Antics Between Kanos and Filipinos

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Sickness and Death in the Philippines

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Note: There’s not a lot of humor in the following piece. Next time – I promise!

Sunday morning Janet got up early to check her messages. I wasn’t surprised. Her department at work is short-handed and she sort of expected to get called in on her day off. She’s an Asst. Manager and I am very proud of her, but this crap happens all too often.

She threw on some clothes and I expected to hear that she’d gotten called in. Instead she only said, “my uncle died.”

“What? You mean the one who was sick?” Actually in my pre-awake haze I’d gotten that wrong. Another uncle’s wife had been ill and there had been several calls and drama about that over the previous week. A young woman in her early 30s she’d been going to doctors for months and they hadn’t yet solved the problem. In the end the family decided that she should travel to her parents’ home for rest and recuperation. But what to do about her three children? Her husband would come home to care for them and my mother in law volunteered to care for one of the kids, who immediately moved in with the family.

My mother in law has raised ten kids, three of whom are young and still live at home. In addition, she has two baby/toddler grandkids who live next door and spend much of their day with grandma. In fact so much of their day is spent with her that they call her “mama.” It’s common in the Philippines.

She has made it very clear that if Janet and I ever have a child and if we would like to drop off the child for a little while – oh, say six months – that would be fine with her! She’s had a lot of kids and grandkids, but no white babies with long noses yet 🙂

So it was no surprise that she took on her brother’s child so that the child’s mother could recover. Unfortunately, the woman doesn’t truly think she will recover and worries about what to do with her children after her death.

So naturally, early in the morning, I got the various family members confused. “No, not her,” Janet said. “My other uncle. Another of my mother’s brothers. You remember.” And I did remember meeting him and his being a nice guy. He too couldn’t wait until Janet had her “white baby.”

“What happened?” I asked. Take the following account with a grain of salt, because it’s third hand and told in a different language.

“His leg was hurting and they took him to the hospital in Dalaguete.” Now hospital is a misnomer here; the small town of Dalaguete, in Southern Cebu, has little more than a clinic. In the clinic, Uncle complained that the pain was greater and he could not move his leg. Though not deemed critical, the situation was serious enough that they recommended he be referred to a hospital in Cebu City.

His wife was told by friends that she ought to apologize for any arguments they had had. This is apparently a common belief in the Philippines before death, where spirits that have unresolved conflicts can’t fly free. But in her view the condition wasn’t serious enough for the apology. She and other friends and relatives sat by Uncle, who had fallen asleep, as they awaited to arrange the transfer. Unfortunately Uncle had not fallen asleep; he’d passed away in his sleep.

The family was stunned as was Janet. Her Uncle was in his latter 50s; still relatively young; younger than Janet’s geriatric husband. And he was relatively healthy.

An autopsy was performed. It showed that he’d had a wound on the affected leg and apparently an infection traveled to the brain.

Janet was devastated by the loss of her uncle. The day was spent with lots of phone conversations and Facebook messages.

And of course when a death occurs you can’t help but think of one thing – your own death.

“I changed my mind,” Janet said. “If I die you don’t have to ship my body back to the Philippines. Just cremate me.”

“Why did you decide that?”
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“It’s too expensive.”

“I’m sure I can manage. I’d call your mom and see what she wanted done. But what are you talking about? You’re 27. You’re not dying. You will at least make it till we retire in the Philippines in two years.”

“Well it’s too expensive.”

“Speaking of expensive, don’t spend much on my funeral. I don’t care – I’ll be dead.”

Of course this led to the most important question and the one that I knew was coming: should we contribute to Uncle’s funeral expenses, or more accurately, how much should we contribute?

“How much do funerals cost in the Philippines?” I asked.

“It’s very expensive. I know how much was spent for my lola’s coffin.”

I Googled it and actually found lots of information on funeral costs in the Philippines. Of course, just as in the US, you could spend nearly any amount, from 10,000P to 1,000,000P.

After some back and forth discussion I proposed a figure. Janet scrunched her nose. I wasn’t sure if that meant the figure was too little or too much. “Ask your mom how much it’s all gonna cost and then we can decide,” I said. But we certainly decided that while we were ok with contributing we were not going to pay the whole thing.

At night Janet called her mom again. After getting all the latest news Janet proposed our contribution. Her mom countered the figure – lower.

“Mom says you get a 20% discount,” Janet said and we both laughed; the first laugh of the day for Janet. In reality the amount was modest and once again showed me that for all the complaints from some expats about their Filipina’s family, I have a great one!

BTW, here’s another example of how wonderful my Filipino family is. Janet’s mom complained because her 19 year old son, now gainfully employed in Cebu City, called her 4 times to make sure she was OK. She had just lost her favorite brother and was no doubt heartbroken. But mom was amused and annoyed that the son wouldn’t leave her alone.

As with all deaths which occur suddenly, there were lots of comments all day about what a good thing it was that Uncle didn’t suffer.

My attitudes toward my own death have changed so much over the years. When I was 20 I was positive that I would “live fast and die young.” By middle age I figured I would live fairly long, not enjoy it too much and work till I died. Now at 62 I find myself at times a bit scared. I have so much to live for and don’t want to lose a moment of it!

P.S. Watching a movie Janet just leaned over and told me, “I want a baby more than ever.” We all think of our mortality in different ways. Clearly I have some work to do before I go 🙂

 

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Retirement: “The Decision” – (Hey, if LeBron Can Do It…)

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If you’re a reader of this blog it should come as no surprise that I not only love my Filipina wife, Janet, but love the Philippines as well. Since I am approaching retirement and can almost taste it I am ready to announce that in a couple years Janet and I will be taking our talents, not to South Beach as LeBron once did, but to the Philippines. I’ll get into my reasons shortly, but first a bit of convoluted background.

Nine years ago, at age 53, I was divorcing. There was a nearly infinite list of things I had to pull off to survive the life change for myself and my two youngish kids. But a year later I popped my head out of the ground and looked around at a new life. I had obtained a nice job (I was a contract employee previously, and self-employed before that), had medical benefits (no Obamacare back then), a new house with a giant mortgage which I could pay (barely). The kids too had survived the trauma and were prospering. We had just taken our first vacation together as a threesome.

The only thing that seemed impossible was retirement. I always had mixed feelings about the classic American retirement scenario anyway. For one thing when I was young and nuts I was sure I would never live to retirement age. I worked a series of jobs which paid squat and then was self-employed, which paid squat + 1. I got married and had kids and drank the American koolaid which stated that anything above and beyond the bills had to go to the wife and kids.

But I did have a bit of fortuitous luck. My then wife, better known here as Ex Number Two, had a bit of money. In point of reality, her parents had a bit of money, which she knew (and told me constantly) would someday be hers. Therefore the attitude tended to be that whatever we saved would be supplemented by my inlaws impending demise.

Besides the inlaws cash, I told myself, I was smart, had talent and someday would strike it rich, either by selling a novel or screenplay, or if that didn’t work out, I was surely clever enough to rob a convenience store.

I actually had a screenplay with genuine Hollywood producers (a story for another day) but somehow didn’t exactly make Spielberg money.

So, I found myself at 54 on my own and finally doing OK. I did have a 401k and it actually had almost a thousand dollars in it. I began to do the right thing and started to save a small amount into my retirement fund. I did the math and found at my current pace I could successfully retire at 85.  I resigned myself to working till I died.

At the same time I had decided to fulfill one of the biggest goals on my bucket list – an African safari. I went to Kenya, and after a life changing experience on safari, spent a week relaxing at a beach town named Malindi. I loved it there and met several European expats living on their pensions. Based on their encouragement it occurred to me that I could live in Kenya on my Social Security plus my 401k, that is if I started to save like a madman.

I came home excited, began to save more into my retirement funds and dreamed of the possibilities. The only thing I worried about was women. As a guy, I know that makes me unique.

I wondered, whether as an ancient retiree/expat there would be the opportunity to have romantic relationships with even semi-attractive women. After all, I’d have the vast Social Security windfall. And so I went to the Internet, where all good things are discovered, to find information about multi-cultural relationships between geriatric old farts and – well anyone.

My search led me to a forum, run by a complete nut job who exemplified the old adage “those who can’t do – teach.” The men there, of varied ages and mental illnesses, discussed the pros and cons of living and dating in a variety of foreign countries. Asia was a hot spot and the Philippines seemed to get more comments than any other country. Like most Americans, I knew virtually nothing about the Philippines, but was a quick study.

As I have documented before, I found my mentor Pete, one of the few non-nut jobs on the forum,  joined Cherry Blossoms at his recommendation, and met my darling wife, Janet. And the rest as they say, is history.

Many men travel to the Philippines to find the love of their life (or sometimes a few dozen loves of their lives) but have nothing but complaints about the place. But for me, as a experienced traveler, I found that I loved not just Filipinas, but the Philippines itself and began to wonder whether this was the place to spend my dotage. I can now state that it is!

———-

Most of our reasons for choosing the Philippines as a retirement destination are pretty ordinary and straightforward. So here goes the list in no order of importance:

The Family: Unlike some expats I am not looking to avoid Janet’s family. I like them. What’s more surprising is that it’s possible they like me. Of course, once we move there, they will get to know me better, so that might change.

Most importantly is that Janet will be close to her family. She can see them whenever any problem or bit of drama occurs. Since she has nine brothers and sisters, I expect that to be often.

In case, you have a condition like diabetes then you might be cheap women viagra interested to know that the nearby Tatton Park hosts the North West Food Lovers Festival between October 19 – 21 which dovetails with some of the Chester Literary Festival. It is only the men who get affected with sexual disorders such as Erectile buy generic levitra Dysfunction have a strong connection. viagra brand online Some companies are supplying free sample in this regard. Put all of these questions into an email and you want to forward it on to other people the polite way to do this is to be followed. https://www.unica-web.com/watch/2010/marivanna.html viagra shipping Cost/Style of Living: This one’s obvious. The cost of living is much cheaper, especially if you are willing to avoid living like a rich kano. If you can’t avoid those things (Western foods and drink, luxuries, girls and more girls) your pension will be gone before you will be.

But even more important to me than the cost of living is the style of living. I have written about this before. In the West how much crap do we buy because we can, or to fill up a hole inside us, or because cash is burning a hole in our pocket, or because all our friends have the same crap? In the Philippines, while I have no desire to live in a Nipa hut, the pressure to buy all sorts of stuff is dwarfed compared to the pressure of going to the beach or hanging with friends and family, or chasing Janet.

I have already begun my simplification process. I’ve eliminated all sorts of things that I used to do and buy without thinking much about it. Therapy at $135/hour – gone, to be replaced by my sweet partner, the aforementioned relaxing beach, and a San Miguel or two. $50 haircuts – gone, along with my hair.

My criteria for eliminating things is – will I be doing/buying this in retirement? If the answer is no, I’ve dumped it. Amazing how much I have saved.

The People: I don’t want to rag on all Americans nor pretend that all Filipinos are wonderful, but in general I like the people in the Philippines or at the very least, I like the difference. I do not want to be one of those expats who only hangs out with other expats.

The Sun/Heat: Apparently this is a getting older thing, like retiring in Arizona or Florida. I hated the sun and heat when I was young. If it broke 80 I was unhappy. Now if it’s under 80 I am unhappy. Janet and I freeze in the fall and winter and dream of it getting warmer here. When it finally does and her bones warm up, she won’t let me turn on the aircon. I am sure saving electricity is her motivation 🙂

But I dream of a retirement where it is always warm and the ocean, pool or shower can cool me off if necessary.

Service: No, I’m not talking about customer service in the Philippines, which is legendary, though not necessarily great. I am talking about service oriented providers. Today we had a clogged drain and called the plumber. Including my frequent-plumber discount I paid $330. In the Philippines it might have cost 330 pesos.

Housekeepers, yayas, yard work, plumbers, mechanics, etc. all are inexpensive in the Philippines. Of course there is always the issue of finding a good person, but that hassle can be navigated, particularly since as a cheapass I will be thinking about the savings.

Adventure/Travel: I still love travel and adventure. With 7000+ islands I figure I’ll have to live to 150 to see them all. Sounds like a plan. That and visit all the Asian countries that are easy to get to from the Philippines.

I still have an adventuresome spirit and while I might not be interested in death defying stunts, I am interested in exploring a new world. And while Janet grew up in the Philippines, she’s really not seen much of it. I can’t wait to experience it together.

We might even do a bit of sleeping, as shown in the picture above.

Happiness: It sounds hopelessly sappy but Filipinos are fundamentally positive and happy people. Despite the poverty of many, they are happier than most Americans. I look forward to having some of that rub off on me. In point of fact, it already has.

Next Decision: Where? After all it’s a big country.

 

 

Blog, Story

On old age, babies, and funerals (mine?) in the Philippines

2 Comments

In a couple of days I will hit a major milestone – the age that Social Security deems I can retire early. Of course before my co-workers begin the celebration, I should say that I am not retiring now, but apparently I could if I wanted to live on the pittance that I would get from a 3/4 Social Security payment.

Once again this experience reminds me that I am an old fart living the dream, married to a slightly less elderly Filipina and that for the next few months our ages will be the exact opposite of each other (62 and 26).

Like many old farts I am in contact with my high school friends via Facebook. Since at 21 I moved as far away from my home in Philadelphia as I possibly could and still remain in the continental US, I have not seen most of these people in over 40 years.

Last night I was looking at my long list of high school Facebook “friends” and thought of a friend I hadn’t seen on FB. I did a quick search. Yep, you guessed it; he died two years ago. This is the second time in six months that I have searched for a friend that I’d wondered about for decades and the second time I found that the only viable reason someone isn’t on Facebook, is because they’re dead.

I found that the only viable reason someone isn’t on Facebook, is because they’re dead.

Janet came home from work and I told her I was a bit sad at my discovery. She knows me well enough to know that I was feeling my own mortality and reminded me I am healthy and that most importantly my otin still works and consequently we will have a baby and that between my young wife and child I will remain young for many years to come. Either that, I thought,  or they will put me in my grave quickly – but I kept that to myself.

In fact, I recently had a conversation with another high school friend on Facebook (this one is actually still alive) who is very happy that I have Janet in my life but implored me to not have children. After all, she reminded me how old I would be when a new baby hits 21.

“I may be old, but I can still do the math,” I reminded her. “The good news is I may not even live till my current kids are 21,” I declared hopefully.

I reminded her that ultimately no one knows. My mother, in great shape, died at 40 when I was 19 and my father 100 bills overweight is still alive and cantankerous at 85.

This led Janet and I to a conversation about her plans about a baby. She is confident that she can control the characteristics of said baby and so here is her plan.

Naturally, the baby will be female.

She will have my skin and nose – a given if you ask Filipinas. This is the reason they married us – our long noses and pasty skin color.

The baby will have Janet’s eyes, hair color and texture. No bald babies for us!

The baby will have Janet’s figure.

However, the baby will have my loboot (ass). Janet is constantly complaining about her loboot (personally I like it very much) and wishes that I could miraculously “give me your loboot.” I wouldn’t mind giving her 10-20 of my pounds. If anyone has any suggestions about how to make such a transplant, let me know. But in the meantime I am tasked to give the baby my big loboot.

With the baby to be’s looks being now decided (who needs an ultrasound) it was time for us both to scan Facebook for any new and  essential information of the day. We stumbled on a question about a elderly German living in the Philippines, near death and broke, and what could be done about burial costs.

Naturally this let to a conversation about my impending demise. I repeated that I preferred cremation and that Janet ought to keep it simple and not spend a bunch of money on me, since after all I will be dead.

“But where will I visit you if we cremate?” Janet asked. This is essential to a Filipina and a Catholic.

“Well I guess you can keep the urn if you want. Then you don’t have to visit me. I’ll be with you.”

“I don’t like that,” she replied. “Then your spirit will be watching me constantly.”

“Then scatter my ashes,” I replied as a reasonable Westerner.

It cialis generika http://appalachianmagazine.com/2014/02/10/februarys-must-see-location-north-carolinas-shadow-of-a-bear/ can help achieve an erection when sexual stimulation occurs. If an altered menstrual cycle does not convince best cialis price you to stop taking it, perhaps the fact that it causes oversensitivity to your genitalia will. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is nothing but the inability of performing on the bed and satisfying the partner’s cialis generico online needs. Heart disease will stay http://appalachianmagazine.com/2019/03/12/appalachian-weddings-times-of-chaos-revelry/ price tadalafil tablets unnoticed until the first symptom attacks you. “But then there will be no place to visit you.” We were back to the beginning.

“Well, bury some of the ashes under a tree.” I am nothing if not a great problem solver.

“Not the same,” she said.

“Whatever you want then. I’ll be dead. Bury me, so you can visit me.”

“This is best,” she replied. “Then people can see you in death. How many days should the viewing be?”

“What! No way.” In Jewish tradition we are much more reasonable (and sanitary). There are no open coffins and the deceased is buried within 48 hours.

“Then how will family be able to say their goodbyes. In the Philippines they pass the coffin and touch you.”

“I don’t want anyone to be touching me when I am dead!”

“Then you can get an expensive coffin with a glass cover.”

“I don’t want anyone to see me when I’m dead. I’m not that great looking alive. Let’s go back to cremation.”

“But then I can’t visit you.” We were back to the beginning again.

“But I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on a plot; it’s a waste.”

“In the Philippines you can rent the plot. 500 pesos a year.”

“That’s pretty cheap (about $12/year). Forever?”

“Oh no. Only for five years.”

“Then what?”

“They dig you up and take your bones and put them in a small box.”

So I have made a decision. You’ve heard it here first. I am not dying!

 

 

 

Blogette

Tell Us Where to Go

13 Comments

OK, that title was a great setup line and I am not interested in being literally told where to go. Since you’re not my kids or either of my exes, you don’t get to do that.

However, Janet and I are very excited. Last night we booked our flight to return to the Philippines. We will be there for three weeks  from April to May!

So now I am giving you, dear readers of MarriedaFilipina, an opportunity to tell us “where to go;” your favorite place in the Philippines and why.

Our trip will have 3 pillars: family, travel/fun, and future living. Regarding family, we will spend about one week in Alcoy, Janet’s home town, 3 hours south of Cebu City. I know she misses her family terribly and I look forward to seeing them also. They have always been wonderful to me and the energy surrounding family get togethers makes me soar.

The other couple weeks we want to spend having fun, exploring, and checking out spots to live in in our dotage (coming much faster for me than for Janet).

Other than our plans to be in Alcoy, we also will spend part of our time (perhaps just a few days) re-visiting the Dumaguete area in Negros. I really liked what I saw of Duma and Valencia last year, and would consider it for that for that upcoming period of my dotage, so any other recommendations in that area or surrounding Negros areas would be considered.

Usually, a lot of men use http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/puppy-nom/ levitra prices to handle ED. The pills are known to be as effective and reliable as the purchase cheap cialis branded medicines. They have a vast buy levitra online collection of hookah items such as cigarette, hookah, cigar and many more. Horny goat weed has traditionally been used by Chinese medicine for centuries as a cure for erectile dysfunction, then let us provide you with all the important information that you need to know regarding Vardenafil. tadalafil 20mg uk Janet of course believes that life in the Philippines starts and ends on Cebu, and so any recommendations on Cebu island would be eagerly appreciated. I am considering a stop in Moalboal for the snorkeling and Janet has talked about the falls in Badian.

Where else? There are over 7100 islands in the Philippines and I am open to exploring any or all of them. Let’s see – if I visit 100 islands a year I can see them all by the time I turn 133. Sounds like a plan and your help is appreciated.