Tag Archives: happiness

The Key to Happiness

Many of Janet’s family members came over to Dumaguete this week. About half of them just stayed the day, several others (including my Father in Law) stayed a few days, and two girls will be here about a week. While technically the reason was that we gave the family our old refrigerator and they were here to pick it up, I am sure that for many that was just an excuse to come see a 6 1/2 month pregnant Janet. So they all piled into the back of a multi cab and took the ferry from Cebu to Negros.

Let me shift gears here for a moment and then I will get back to the gathering. Nearly anyone married or in a relationship with a Filipina and certainly any expat who lives here knows the story. The level of poverty most of these people live with is something unheard of to most any Westerner. I told my kids a few stories as did Janet when we lived in the U.S, but I am sure my kids did not comprehend or believe it. Homes without electricity or running water. Walking hours a day to school. Struggling for food. Having been with Janet over 10 years no story shocks me anymore, but still – it is a life incomprehensible to any American.

I say this because despite the poverty the Philippines is consistently rated as having one of the happiest populations in the world. And this week maybe I have figured out just a little piece of that happiness.

You see, the family arrived Sunday. Janet immediately fed them all breakfast. Afterwards the kids settled down in front of the TV, or on a phone or wandered the property. My father in law, who at 60 has been a farmer his whole life, went out, examined our gardens and yard – and went to work. I have known him for 10 years and know that there is no point in telling him to please relax and enjoy himself and to use these days as a mini-vacation; I know he won’t do it. He proposed a couple projects to Janet who agreed and spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday working on our property. He managed to get a little help from a few of the kids but mostly he worked on his own, all day long.

Why does he do it? There was no huge need. Sure, the projects he completed were nice but not necessities; the garden is well maintained by Janet, a gardener who comes over once a week, and Janet’s brother Jorre; notice I didn’t include my own name in this effort lol.

Nor could he have thought that he is obligated. He knows that his daughter and her foreigner husband would be happy to see him chill out.

So why does he do the very same work he does 6 days a week at home? I think it’s because he likes it!

And how about my Mother in Law. She raised 10 kids. After she mostly raised the 10 she took on 2 and sometimes 3 grandkids. There are two additional grandkids who are at the family home often. She works all day and night cooking and caring for all of them.

You’d think that after the 10 were raised she’d never want to see a kid again – but it seems to be the opposite. I feel fairly confident that once our baby Jack comes along she will happily want to help with him.

So again – why? Necessity or obligation? Well, there is plenty of that for sure. But I think that mostly she likes it!

So let’s review: my in laws work their asses off 52 weeks a year and seem to enjoy it. Is liking what you’re doing the key to happiness? It is in the Philippines.

Philippines 3rd Happiest Country in the World

So Janet and I are in the bank January 3rd conducting some business, which meant a little waiting. There are two foreigners in the bank getting more and more upset. One is pushing though the line demanding that his issue be taken care of. The other’s an old codger (that is an even older codger than me) sitting next to me. He’s mumbling under his breath what a rotten place this is. But I can hear his request and it’s never gonna happen and wouldn’t happen in the US either.

At the same time I’m reading the paper and come across this article: http://beta.philstar.com/headlines/2018/01/03/1774178/philippines-3rd-happiest-country-poll

Once again the Philippines is ranked among the highest countries in the world for general happiness. Of course there is nothing objective about the poll; nothing quantifiable. They simple ask people all over the world the question, “In general, do you personally feel very happy, happy, neither happy nor unhappy, unhappy or very unhappy about your life?”

Fiji once again was the happiest country. I too would be pretty damn happy in Fiji – who wouldn’t. At number two was Colombia. I’m sure there’s a joke here about happiness and cocaine intake; but I’m not gonna go there. And of course the Philippines was 3rd. Last year we were tied for 2nd with China, which this year dropped off the top ten completely. Not a good year for the Chinese economy, I suppose.

If you look at the list of the top ten there was only one 1st world country listed: The Netherlands. There’s a drug joke there too, but again – I’m not gonna go there.

The other countries in the top ten were 3rd world havens like Mexico (happy about Trump’s Wall, perhaps), Vietnam; Kazakhstan (Borat sure was happy), Papua New Guinea, Indonesia (love to go there); India (in no rush to go there), Argentina (proving that a collapsing economy has little to do with happiness). There’s a pattern here: poor places or places with a lot of dope seem pretty damn happy.

Of course poverty is not the only criteria for happiness. I mean, Iran was dead last and it’s poor as shit. Last year Iraq was the least happy. Now it’s 2nd from the bottom. Apparently cataclysmic wars are not good for general happiness; who knew.

Overall Latin America was the happiest continent. The US and Russia were literally tied with a score of +50; just one more proof of collusion between Trump and Putin 🙂
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So what can we conclude? Is it merely the old adage that money cannot buy happiness? I’m sure that’s part of it but it has to be more.

I just spent the holidays in Janet’s hometown of Alcoy, Cebu. The level of poverty there (as in many places in the Philippines) is beyond the experience or comprehension of the average American. And yet the people there rang in Christmas and New Years with joy and laughter. Janet’s siblings traveled from other cities to be there with the family. Again I have no real conclusions. In the US the holidays are blamed for misery, depression and an increase in suicides. In the Philippines; well there’s an increase in people who shoot off various body parts with fireworks; but other than that everyone seems pretty damn happy.

I may not understand their happiness but I’m doing my best to share in it. My wish for the New Year is that everyone do the same!

 

 

 

 

Retirement: “The Decision” – (Hey, if LeBron Can Do It…)

If you’re a reader of this blog it should come as no surprise that I not only love my Filipina wife, Janet, but love the Philippines as well. Since I am approaching retirement and can almost taste it I am ready to announce that in a couple years Janet and I will be taking our talents, not to South Beach as LeBron once did, but to the Philippines. I’ll get into my reasons shortly, but first a bit of convoluted background.

Nine years ago, at age 53, I was divorcing. There was a nearly infinite list of things I had to pull off to survive the life change for myself and my two youngish kids. But a year later I popped my head out of the ground and looked around at a new life. I had obtained a nice job (I was a contract employee previously, and self-employed before that), had medical benefits (no Obamacare back then), a new house with a giant mortgage which I could pay (barely). The kids too had survived the trauma and were prospering. We had just taken our first vacation together as a threesome.

The only thing that seemed impossible was retirement. I always had mixed feelings about the classic American retirement scenario anyway. For one thing when I was young and nuts I was sure I would never live to retirement age. I worked a series of jobs which paid squat and then was self-employed, which paid squat + 1. I got married and had kids and drank the American koolaid which stated that anything above and beyond the bills had to go to the wife and kids.

But I did have a bit of fortuitous luck. My then wife, better known here as Ex Number Two, had a bit of money. In point of reality, her parents had a bit of money, which she knew (and told me constantly) would someday be hers. Therefore the attitude tended to be that whatever we saved would be supplemented by my inlaws impending demise.

Besides the inlaws cash, I told myself, I was smart, had talent and someday would strike it rich, either by selling a novel or screenplay, or if that didn’t work out, I was surely clever enough to rob a convenience store.

I actually had a screenplay with genuine Hollywood producers (a story for another day) but somehow didn’t exactly make Spielberg money.

So, I found myself at 54 on my own and finally doing OK. I did have a 401k and it actually had almost a thousand dollars in it. I began to do the right thing and started to save a small amount into my retirement fund. I did the math and found at my current pace I could successfully retire at 85.  I resigned myself to working till I died.

At the same time I had decided to fulfill one of the biggest goals on my bucket list – an African safari. I went to Kenya, and after a life changing experience on safari, spent a week relaxing at a beach town named Malindi. I loved it there and met several European expats living on their pensions. Based on their encouragement it occurred to me that I could live in Kenya on my Social Security plus my 401k, that is if I started to save like a madman.

I came home excited, began to save more into my retirement funds and dreamed of the possibilities. The only thing I worried about was women. As a guy, I know that makes me unique.

I wondered, whether as an ancient retiree/expat there would be the opportunity to have romantic relationships with even semi-attractive women. After all, I’d have the vast Social Security windfall. And so I went to the Internet, where all good things are discovered, to find information about multi-cultural relationships between geriatric old farts and – well anyone.

My search led me to a forum, run by a complete nut job who exemplified the old adage “those who can’t do – teach.” The men there, of varied ages and mental illnesses, discussed the pros and cons of living and dating in a variety of foreign countries. Asia was a hot spot and the Philippines seemed to get more comments than any other country. Like most Americans, I knew virtually nothing about the Philippines, but was a quick study.

As I have documented before, I found my mentor Pete, one of the few non-nut jobs on the forum,  joined Cherry Blossoms at his recommendation, and met my darling wife, Janet. And the rest as they say, is history.

Many men travel to the Philippines to find the love of their life (or sometimes a few dozen loves of their lives) but have nothing but complaints about the place. But for me, as a experienced traveler, I found that I loved not just Filipinas, but the Philippines itself and began to wonder whether this was the place to spend my dotage. I can now state that it is!

———-

Most of our reasons for choosing the Philippines as a retirement destination are pretty ordinary and straightforward. So here goes the list in no order of importance:

The Family: Unlike some expats I am not looking to avoid Janet’s family. I like them. What’s more surprising is that it’s possible they like me. Of course, once we move there, they will get to know me better, so that might change.

Most importantly is that Janet will be close to her family. She can see them whenever any problem or bit of drama occurs. Since she has nine brothers and sisters, I expect that to be often.

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But even more important to me than the cost of living is the style of living. I have written about this before. In the West how much crap do we buy because we can, or to fill up a hole inside us, or because cash is burning a hole in our pocket, or because all our friends have the same crap? In the Philippines, while I have no desire to live in a Nipa hut, the pressure to buy all sorts of stuff is dwarfed compared to the pressure of going to the beach or hanging with friends and family, or chasing Janet.

I have already begun my simplification process. I’ve eliminated all sorts of things that I used to do and buy without thinking much about it. Therapy at $135/hour – gone, to be replaced by my sweet partner, the aforementioned relaxing beach, and a San Miguel or two. $50 haircuts – gone, along with my hair.

My criteria for eliminating things is – will I be doing/buying this in retirement? If the answer is no, I’ve dumped it. Amazing how much I have saved.

The People: I don’t want to rag on all Americans nor pretend that all Filipinos are wonderful, but in general I like the people in the Philippines or at the very least, I like the difference. I do not want to be one of those expats who only hangs out with other expats.

The Sun/Heat: Apparently this is a getting older thing, like retiring in Arizona or Florida. I hated the sun and heat when I was young. If it broke 80 I was unhappy. Now if it’s under 80 I am unhappy. Janet and I freeze in the fall and winter and dream of it getting warmer here. When it finally does and her bones warm up, she won’t let me turn on the aircon. I am sure saving electricity is her motivation 🙂

But I dream of a retirement where it is always warm and the ocean, pool or shower can cool me off if necessary.

Service: No, I’m not talking about customer service in the Philippines, which is legendary, though not necessarily great. I am talking about service oriented providers. Today we had a clogged drain and called the plumber. Including my frequent-plumber discount I paid $330. In the Philippines it might have cost 330 pesos.

Housekeepers, yayas, yard work, plumbers, mechanics, etc. all are inexpensive in the Philippines. Of course there is always the issue of finding a good person, but that hassle can be navigated, particularly since as a cheapass I will be thinking about the savings.

Adventure/Travel: I still love travel and adventure. With 7000+ islands I figure I’ll have to live to 150 to see them all. Sounds like a plan. That and visit all the Asian countries that are easy to get to from the Philippines.

I still have an adventuresome spirit and while I might not be interested in death defying stunts, I am interested in exploring a new world. And while Janet grew up in the Philippines, she’s really not seen much of it. I can’t wait to experience it together.

We might even do a bit of sleeping, as shown in the picture above.

Happiness: It sounds hopelessly sappy but Filipinos are fundamentally positive and happy people. Despite the poverty of many, they are happier than most Americans. I look forward to having some of that rub off on me. In point of fact, it already has.

Next Decision: Where? After all it’s a big country.

 

 

Does Poverty Make Filipinos Happy?

I have to acknowledge Spike Milligan’s take on the old cliché that, “money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” Why is it that we go to the Philippines and many of us discover happy, friendly, contented people? Something seems wrong with that picture. It’s a shock because as first worlders we’re trained to believe that the only thing that creates true and lasting happiness is cash and plenty of it.

OK, there’s love too; lots of people believe that true happiness comes from love. But sometimes love requires a bit of money also, especially if you’re planning a big Jewish wedding.

And some people will tell you that good health is the key to lifelong happiness. But try finding a decent doctor when you have $1.95 in your bank account.

So, now I have proven that happiness requires money, preferably in dollars not pesos. Why then do Filipinos, most of whom are poor with limited prospects of every being anything but poor, seem so happy? Is it possible that in fact poverty creates happiness?

Riding Carabao
OK, it’s a cliche but pretty happy kids.

Why then do Filipinos, most of whom are poor with limited prospects of every being anything but poor, seem so happy? Is it possible that in fact poverty creates happiness?

I first wondered about this question many years ago when I was on my honeymoon (with wife #2). We went to the Caribbean country of Trinidad and Tobago. The island of Trinidad is bustling and industrious; but Tobago is tropical, poor and laid back. In Tobago, you would not see a car under twenty years old. Few people seemed to have jobs; the few jobs were in tourism and labor was dirt cheap. And yet I observed that the people smiled – and not just while they were waiting for tips. Children laughed and played and I couldn’t help but wonder why; after all, they didn’t live in the U.S., which I had been taught was the universal source of all happiness.

Four years ago I went to Kenya for safari and vacation. Once again I observed that very poor people smiled and seemed pretty damn happy. I actually met many people who lived in mud huts and invited me into their poor homes to share a meal. What the hell did they have to smile about, I wondered? My flooring is oak hardwood; their’s is hard dirt. It made no sense and yet I loved the discovery.

It emphasized what I intuitively knew – that human happiness existed outside of our Western notion of the crap we buy to create it.

And then I came to the Philippines and met many seemingly happy people. OK, mostly I met many happy, cute Filipinas, but you get the idea.

Karaoke always makes Filipinos happy
Karaoke – the source of all happiness in the Philippines

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Last month we returned to Alcoy, Cebu for our wedding party. The entire neighborhood gathered to celebrate, play games, sing and dance for hours. They seemed happy and witnessing it truly made me happy. Why such happiness over the wedding of a daughter and a foreigner? Perhaps it was the delicious lechon that kicked off the party. Whatever the reason I loved it and my inlaws were happy that their daughter had married a foreigner who loved the Philippines culture. I don’t know whether I know the culture well enough to love it, but I love the people, or more accurately I love their happiness.

So, what’s the reason for it? I have no easy answers. I have had a lifetime of access to all that a sophisticated culture provides: a consistently full belly, nice home, good job and opportunities, a certain amount of toys, travel. And yet, like many Americans I’ve often struggled with unhappiness, sometimes breaking down into depression and despair.

Dancing Girls
Dancing Girls

When I met Janet and we began our journey together our daily online chats would emphasize the differences:

Sometimes I was worried; she was generally confident.

“What if…?” I would ask; “you mean when,” she would answer.

“I’m afraid of the future,” I would say; “life is short, live it now,” she would reply.

And always she would tell me, “be happy.”

Janet is still a newcomer but she’s lived in the U.S. long enough to know that despite our positive cash flow, Americans are not a bunch of happy campers and even her wonderful, guapo husband can be a depressed mope at times. She doesn’t understand it but gets her happiness fix by singing aloud and calling home, where the latest news is met with laughs and screams of delight.

I hear lots of expats complain, often vehemently about Filipinos and the Philippines. The air is polluted, the traffic sucks, the government is corrupt, the people are unethical, customer service is terrible, street food sucks, and worst of all – the Internet is slow. Yet most of them keep coming back and back. Why? Because Filipinos seem happier; happier than they are. And they hope some of it will rub off. So do I.

Of course, going back to my original question, it’s ridiculous to say Filipinos are happy because they are poor, any more than to suggest that many Americans are miserable because they are rich. It’s a conundrum and I’m still searching for the answer.

Yep, it’s gotta be the lechon!

Lechon after 10 minutes
Lechon after 10 minutes