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Making Friends in the Philippines

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Now that I’ve live in Dumaguete for about 6 months, I can’t help but look at my life and realize I don’t know too many people here. Some of it is logistics; we spent the first few months getting settled, finding a rental house, filling the house with stuff, buying a car, etc.

But the truth be told, I am just not that social a person. When married in the past, somehow most of my single friends faded and I developed married friends, aka friends of the wife 🙂 Divorce happens, and the friends stayed with her 🙂

When I was divorced I was too busy raising kids and futilely trying to date. So the last thing I worried about was guys to hang out with.

When I married Janet, I was more concerned that she meet people she could befriend and we ended up as part of a large community of Fil-Am couples. While I thought I was doing it just for Janet, one day I woke up to discover that I actually had a bunch of new friends, several of whom I actually liked!

Here in the Philippines, while making friends hasn’t been a top priority, it has been on my mind. Drinking buddies aren’t hard to find here and I actually have a nice group of guys I meet with once a month to share  a beer or two (OK, more for some) and swap stories and problems. There are several popular hangouts for expats in Dumaguete, and you can go to those places at nearly any time of the day or night and find guys drinking and talking in a variety of languages. But I never was a bar guy and don’t intend to become one in my dotage. Now I am sure many of these guys are good people, but if you’re slamming San Miguels at 10:00 AM you might not be my type and at 10:00 PM I’m probably in bed, so I’m not your type.

Also I’m married, so creating couples friends is as important or more important that making individual friends. Janet and I have gone out with other couples on occasion; sometimes there’s a connection -sometimes not. The juries still out.
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Then there was my stated intention before I moved here that I wanted to have Filipino friends; maybe even more Filipino than expat friends, I thought. It still hasn’t happened but then I am barely social with people who speak my own language. Oh, people in my neighborhood are friendly and say hello when I am out and about walking, but I haven’t yet converted that into anything more. Perhaps I should start hanging out at the local Sari Sari and share a beer. I say this seriously; I know several guys who do this. Ultimately it’s clear that this sort of effort is on me. Despite their friendly nature, Filipinos are shy around foreigners and so if I really want friends I will have to make the effort.

And then there’s the family. Janet has a large one and we see them often. I do consider them friends but there’s a language barrier, a cultural barrier – and yes, an economic barrier.

Now, none of this is coming from a place of loneliness or sadness. I have tons to do and never get bored. And let’s not forget I have a very cute wife 🙂 Next week we’re meeting some U.S. friends and that should be fun and we have a ton of other American friends who know there is a guest room if and when they come to the Philippines. But still it would be nice to expand the friendship base to a few more people here.

BTW, I don’t have my normal photo that’s relevant to this blog piece displayed at the top, because when I searched Google for “Philippines expats” it mostly showed images of people I know 🙂

 

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“Never Can Say Goodbye”

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OK, this post might come off as a little bit maudlin or saccharine. I’ll try to joke it up but no promises.

A couple days ago we met with some friends at a restaurant. One of those friends moved away a few years back but comes to Portland every couple months on business, so he organizes the get together. In this case I think that Janet and I were more the objects du jour. It was probably the last time we will see many of these people – at least until we return periodically to the US.

Of course Janet has invited everyone we know to come visit us in Dumaguete, but I’m a cynic and am not counting on everyone to take her up on the offer.

I suspect I’m like most guys – I don’t do goodbyes well. While the girls hugged and lingered at the end of the party, I shook a couple hands, said some meaningless stuff or didn’t say anything at all. After 64 years I still don’t know what to say. In the era of Facebook all I could say is “Watch us on Facebook, and the blog (and vlog)” which of course everyone said they would do.

We’ve also met some special friends for dinner. It’s like a farewell tour without the gifts at each stop. Tonight we meet with our next door neighbors. Thai food I am told. “You have to eat,” everyone says. We will talk about our upcoming adventures. I will bitch about my house closing, which is a bit delayed. But in the end we will shake hands and hug. It’s tough to know what to say. I think Janet’s better at it than me.

I may be old but I’m not all that sentimental. Some friends I will miss, some I won’t, others I will laugh about or at. And some I will get to see when we return to Portland; and maybe some I will see in the Philippines.

One thing about being retired is that we can meet them without much notice. So, someone is coming into Cebu – we can arrange a day in Cebu. Boracay? I’m there. Palawan? I’ll arrive before they do!

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This story comes under the category of the flexibility and practicality of my wife. The amount of stuff we will be bringing is much greater than a normal vacation. Each of us will have two stuffed suitcases. I am bringing my guitar. I will need to grow a third arm – and soon. We booked our tickets to Cebu and then a ticket from Cebu to Dumaguete. But after booking I realized the Cebu Pacific flight only allows 20 kg. I went back and looked it up; some flights have a 20kg max and this is a prop plane. Janet suggested we take the bus south to the tip of Cebu and then ferry to Dumaguete. I said “are you sure. We will have a 21 hour flight and then a 5 hour bus ride.” She was sure! Besides, we could stop in her hometown of Alcoy for the night and rest at our favorite, the BBB. And of course we could see the family while at the BBB. Something tells me I’d better sleep on the plane.

Speaking of the house closing delay. I planned this thing so well. Waited to book the tickets. Gave us 10 days padding between the closing and the flight, just in case. Finally even our real estate agent was confident enough to tell us “your safe to book your tickets now” and so I did. Flight leaves the night of the 30th. So guess what? Yesterday we hear the closing is delayed based on a paper work error. We may close as late as the 28th! Don’t these people know that I’m old and might keel over from the stress?

But don’t worry – nothing’s gonna stop us now.