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The Baby is Six Months Old – and I Have Survived

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It’s hard to believe but our baby, Jackson (Jack), hit 6 months a couple weeks ago. He changes nearly by the day. Here’s an update on him and his geriatric father.

At 6 months we started in with foods: potatoes, vegetables and various fruits. Jack particularly loves the papayas from our garden. I gave Janet one of those mini cordless blenders for Christmas, assuming she’d use it for smoothies. Instead it has become a great tool for pureeing Jack’s latest meal. He loves eating, playing with his utensils (the miracle of modern silicone). and dropping his sippy cup when he’s done drinking.

He’s become good at sitting, the hand eye coordination with toys has taken a giant leap forward, he crawls a little (and gets very frustrated when he can’t), and loves to bounce and stand, with mommy or daddy’s help.

He is an incredibly happy baby and smiles often – unless he wants food , sleep, tummy play or to be picked up. His first lower tooth has popped through him gums, meaning teething is here.

This Friday we go back to his doctor for the latest round of vaccines. The shear numbers of vaccinations and their cost is overwhelming. Now you can get most vaccines free at local government clinics but we’ve decided with some reluctance that we will pay for the Western vaccines, rather than the free Chinese or Indian ones. I don’t know if it really makes a difference but that’s what we felt comfortable with – except for the bank account.

Janet has been incredible throughout all of this. Despite losing sleep and all the other issues surrounding taking care of a baby, she has no complaints. Granted we have a Yaya who helps a great deal but still it’s an incredible amount of work.

As for the geriatric father, I too wake up when Jack cries at night, but chances are good that as soon as Janet starts to feed him and he settles down I am back asleep in record time. And of course when we do miss too much sleep we have the luxury of taking an afternoon nap when we want to. No pesky meetings or cubicles to worry about.

This said, last night Jack was fussing and decided he wanted to cuddle up against me and to my surprise went back to sleep. I felt like I couldn’t move for fear of waking him but was so happy he could sleep against me, even though I am not the milk provider.

He sleeps in his crib about half the night and while it is currently by our bed, soon it will move to his own room.

My other sleep depriving activity is that Jack likes to wake up completely somewhere between 4:30-5:00AM. He wants to talk and that has become a morning routine with daddy. Janet sleeps and Jack and I talk for a half hour and I swear we understand each other. After that we go downstairs and he plays with toys or takes a walk with Auntie.

Now despite the fact that I do less work than I did with my previous children I am often sleepy, fatigued and just plain cranky. I need to determine whether I need sleep and a nap beckons, or whether I am fatigued, in which case activity helps. I rarely get it right and remain cranky. I am currently fatigued and thought that this writing might help, though I am not counting on it.

Jack has become a seasoned traveler. We have flown with him to Cebu, he has both his US and Philippines passports, and next month we are all leaving the Philippines on vacation for the first time in over three years. In fact, Jack’s brother, Julian, will be meeting us and we are all so excited. Anyone who knows me well knows that I will not possibly be able to hold back the emotions!

Jack also goes with his mom to Southern Cebu a couple times a month now to hang out with her family. He seems to enjoy it and more importantly, they love it. Once Janet has been back for a week, her mother invariably says, “I miss Jack,” and another trip is planned.

And this confirms what I hoped would happen. I don’t want to get into a big diatribe but I have noticed that in the US, and probably other Western countries, the attitudes toward babies has changed. In short they are no longer revered like they were when I was young.

But in the Philippines, where all social constructs are at least 50 years behind, everyone is baby crazy. It’s not just the family. We’re in the bank the other day and the Assistant Manager, who can be a bit prickly sometimes, was so excited about the baby and when are we gonna bring the baby into the bank. I find this true in general. Strangers who don’t know us and neighbors who barely know us want to know everything about Jack. Sometimes they want to hold him and usually we let them.

So, dear readers, that’s the latest. If you run into me in town chances are I will be tired and cranky – so be careful – but behind it all I am very happy!

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He Has Arrived!

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So, it’s been 2 1/2 weeks since the arrival of Jackson Weisbord; our lives have changed and I finally have a moment to write a blog – well quickly.

The baby was induced – sort of. As I documented before, Janet had a minor procedure early in the pregnancy that at week 37 was to be reversed. Our excellent OB, Dr. Marie Antoinette Calinawagan, told us that after the reversal in her experience the baby would arrive in 2-3 days – a week tops. A week went by and no baby. We met with the doctor again and were told that all was fine but if another week went by we would be having a conversation about inducing.

So for two weeks we were on pins and needles, expecting the baby at any moment. The two weeks went by and by then the decision to induce was an easy one.

That said, by the time we checked into Silliman Medical Center, and the induction medication was given, Janet was in reality well on her way to having the baby, but we suspect that the inducing helped speed things up.

In most hospitals in the Philippines, the father is not allowed in the delivery room, so Janet’s sister and I waited in the room we would all stay in once the baby arrived. It has an extra bed which is appropriate for the average 10 year old, but me and my old back managed. As the night progressed, our doctor called me a couple times to let me know the latest progress and she predicted that the baby was likely to come tomorrow. I went to sleep; remember I slept through last December’s typhoon. The phone rang close to midnight and the doctor congratulated me; Jackson had arrived a bit early, at 11:05PM.

At 6 1/2 pounds, he’s a handsome devil, with a nearly full head of hair. I am jealous.

Janet was phenomenal and Jackson successfully started breast feeding almost immediately.

As I previously predicted I was in love the first time I held him. I am three for three in that category.

We had inquired in advance about circumcision and our OB sent us a referral. When it comes to circumcision, the culture of the Philippines is a little different. Boys are almost universally circumcised here but it’s typically done at age 6-7. The 6 year olds have it done during summer vacation. It’s a right of passage here and I’m told that the 6 year olds compare results.

Being Jewish I do have a cultural connection to circumcision but mostly I remember my brother’s. I am 5 years older than he and I remember the rabbi (moile) coming to our house. The men solemnly went into my brother’s room and I stayed with the women in my parents’ bedroom. Then came the most blood curdling scream I had ever heard. But the deed had been done at least; the memory was fried into my young brain.

So the day after Jack’s birth the urologist came into our room. He told us that because it was a Sunday there was some question as to whether an OR could be found. But suddenly it all happened and bang-zoom Jack was taken away. Not long after a nurse asked me to come to the OR to speak with the doctor. I guess this was supposed to be father’s business.

I entered the OR where there must have been at least 10 people. Silliman is a teaching hospital so there are interns everywhere. My guess is they hadn’t seen too many circumcisions done on newborns.

I took one look at my poor son wearing a bloody diaper and cursed at myself; ‘what the hell did I do!’ The cursing got worse as the doc actually showed me what was underneath the diaper. But he assured me that in 3-5 days the boy would be completely healed and not to worry. This turned out to be true and by Jackson’s first pediatrician appointment at 1 week he was really fully healed.

I suspect in about 6 years he will be teasing his friends for what they have in store.

Janet got excellent care at Silliman. Contrary to usual notions of Philippines hospital care, there were nurses, doctors, interns, etc. coming into Janet’s room, checking Janet and the baby constantly; everything but the old father.

Because of the procedure done to Jackson we stayed in the hospital an extra day and I spent most of that day running around paying bills, adding Jackson to our PhilHealth account, finding meds, ordering Grab food, etc. I guess this was my penance for – you know – not actually having to give birth.

Now let me address what I know some of you want to know about; costs. Our OB had told us in advance that standard deliveries cost 40-50kP and that a Cesarean could bring the cost to 120k.

Janet had a standard delivery but with an epidural the cost increased to about 66k. PhilHealth paid nearly 10k, so we were out of pocket about 57k.

The circumcision was not cheap. I guess one of the advantages of the 6 year old procedure is that it is often done for free or a very modest cost. But for us in an OR with a team of docs, we were at about 27k. PhilHealth only paid 3k, so out of pocket it was just under 25k.

Many of my friends have teased me about losing sleep. So, yes I am losing sleep. Fortunately as a retiree I can catch up with a quick nap; that quick nap was 3 hours today.

We do have a lot of help and that makes a big difference. Janet’s sister is our Yaya and brother Jorre helps in between classes.

We have already had some family arrive for a visit. Janet’s mother and a couple sisters were here and Lola didn’t want to leave the baby when it was time to go home. We are already committed to having the family for Christmas so Jack should get pretty well over amped by that!

I take Jack out for a daily morning walk around our property. He genuinely seems to enjoy it. It’s our bonding time without any women. Of course by the time we get back to the house I am exhausted and happily hand him to one of those women lol.

A friend wrote me today telling me that 10 years ago “you clearly were much more in touch with what you wanted and your capacity to skillfully move towards it.” Maybe I was (a little bit), got support (plenty), got lucky (a lot), and chose Janet! Can’t wait to see what’s next!

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Baby Showers, Yayas, and the Miracle of Amazon

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Today Baby Jack is officially 30 weeks old, so we are coming down the home stretch. Janet is doing well though she has the normal aches, pains, swelling and kicking (by Jumping Jack Flash) associated with pregnancy.

Two days ago we had the Baby Shower at our home. It grew in conception from the small baby shower you might imagine – to a real party, with enough food to feed all of Valencia, beer for the boys, wine for everyone and Bailey’s for the girls. While cranky Dave wasn’t too thrilled with a big party at this point, it turned out to be a great success and reminded us all that we have to get together more often. The after effects of the lockdowns remain and I think many of us have forgotten how important getting together is. So thanks to Janet and her sisters for pulling this off.

Speaking of sisters, 17 year old sister Miaca arrived Wednesday, along with niece Jilliana. Janet worked them non-stop through the party and after. They were happy to be involved.

Perhaps more importantly, sister Leticia arrived. She will be Baby Jack’s Yaya for the foreseeable future. In the Philippines, if you can afford it, a Yaya (nursemaid) is pretty common. Typically they live in the home, get room and board and a small amount of cash. Leticia is a professional and has already raised 4 or 5 babies, so her arrival is just another indicator that this baby thing is really happening – and pretty soon.

Depending on the family and their finances it is not unusual for Yayas to care for a child until age 5, 6 or beyond.

Janet’s notion is that she and Leticia will take care of the baby at night for those first few months, and I will sleep. Hmm. Will see about that.

I am a great sleeper and it was sort of an issue with my previous marriage and children. When the baby would wake up at night for a feeding or some attention, my then wife would jab me in the ribs to wake up, I would stumble out to get the baby and bring him/her to mom for a feeding, and instantly fell back asleep. When the feeding was over, another jab to the ribs, I would take the baby back, return to the bed and be asleep by the time I hit the pillow. My then wife would often be incapable of going back to sleep at all. Is it any wonder we are divorced.

My sleep habits are nearly as good in old age as they were back then so I expect to stumble up to the cries of Baby Jack and go back to sleep quickly.

All our Philippines friends were generous and Baby Jack now has a nice supply of onesies, diapers, etc.

Speaking of which, several of our US-based friends had asked when the Baby Shower was and what we might need. As a former tech guy I decided to go the tech route and set up an Amazon Gift Registry. We chose items we need and tried to pick items without a crazy shipping cost to the Philippines. Our friends and family have been chipping in and it’s exciting to see. Our goal was not just to get a bunch of stuff (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but to engage with friends and family we haven’t seen since the pandemic and encourage them to connect with Baby Jack. Like the Baby Shower so far it has been a great success. BTW, if any US-based friends would like to see the Baby Registry it is located here: https://www.amazon.com/baby-reg/davejanet-weisbord-october-2022-valencia/2AL08GCDB5XS5

A big thanks of appreciation and love to all our family, friends and readers. This is an incredible time in our lives and we are happy to have your involvement, whether you are close by or very far.

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Memoirs of an Ancient Dad to Be

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Those who know us and maybe some who don’t, know that Janet and I are expecting a baby. Today Jackson Criss Pillazo Weisbord hit week 22; meaning the due date is the end of October.

While I am not gonna discuss all the details, Janet and I have been at this baby making thing for a long time. Before we married, nearly 9 years ago, she asked me if I was OK with having a baby. “Sure, I love babies,” I said. But I also reminded her that at my age (60 at the time) it could be a challenge.

Janet chose to do the right thing and we waited a couple years to get to know each other better and for her to acclimate to life in the US before we got serious about baby making. Once we started “trying” I wasn’t worried; after all I’d had my 2nd child in my late 40s. I quickly realized that late 40s isn’t the same as early 60s.

After some months and no pregnant Janet we went to a gynecologist. Lots of tests for Janet; ignore the old husband. The conclusion? There was no reason Janet could not get pregnant; go back at it and return if we are still not pregnant in 5 or 6 months.

Five or six months later we returned. More tests and again the conclusion that Janet was fine. I remember sitting in the corner of the room with the doc and Janet. I literally waved at the doctor. “What about the old husband?” I enquired. It was almost as if this was the first time she’d considered me. I was sent to a clinic to provide a semen sample which was, let us say, less than robust.

I went to my doctor. At least 25 years my junior he looked at me confused. “How about referring me to a urologist?” I suggested.

Off to the urologist I went. He tested me for one condition and I was fine. After trying to question him he admitted, “most of the research money for fertility issues goes to women.” Nonetheless he ordered a test or two and basically wished me good luck.

Back to my primary doctor. Since I was by then approaching retirement and planning on relocating to the Philippines, my doctor said, “maybe when you are retired in your tropical paradise, the stress will be less and you’ll be able to get pregnant.” This was the grand plan.

We happily retired and move to Dumaguete. Once settled in we went back to baby making with no positive results. After six months we found a local gynecologist. More tests on Janet and more pronouncements that she was fine. The gynecologist told us there were no fertility experts in Dumaguete and referred us to a doctor in Cebu.

Once in Cebu, more tests and another determination that Janet was baby-worthy. More tests on me and a determination once again that I was still a bit lacking in the swimmer category. Further tests and options were discussed and we decided to take a vacation in January 2020 and when we returned go back to Cebu and get serious.

You can guess the next step. The pandemic arrived and we cancelled our Cebu plans. Of course we thought this was only a few months and soon we would be revisiting the doctor, but 2020 passed with no babies in the hopper.

2021 began and I was diagnosed with skin cancer and that took all our energy and the next 8 or 9 months. But Janet was determined and made it clear that when I was well we would get serious. After all, the experience taught us that life was short and neither cancer nor covid should get in our way.

So while I was in our Valencia home, recovering, Janet was back in Cebu for more tests and treatments.

Now I am not going to get too far into the medical details; they’re boring anyway. We were back and forth to Cebu more times than I can count. But in the end Janet took two home pregnancy tests and the results were the same – a baby was on the way!

I was delighted but shocked. I had already prepared myself for dealing with a very sad, unpregnant, wife. Now I had a laughing and crying wife (me too).

Because of the difficulty getting pregnant the doc had Janet get tons of bed rest and put her on a regimen of meds and vitamins. Janet’s alarm goes off throughout the day for the next round of pills.

At a couple months pregnant we were back to our Dumaguete gynecologist. But an issue was discovered and the doctor admitted that she was not expert enough to treat it and referred us to a more specialized OB. Janet eventually had a minor procedure at Silliman Hospital to deal with the issue and we all believe she is now fine and will make it all the way to full term.

So in a sense life has returned to normal; that is except for the 5 month old baby who kicks Janet more and more. This past week our 3 year old nephew was over at our house. Tired, he laid on Janet’s tummy where Jack kicked him. Everyone was pretty excited.

I have been busy buying and ordering stuff. The last time I did this baby thing I actually bought everything at a store. Now it’s mostly Lazada and Shopee; deliveries come often.

I have had 5 months now to deal with the reality that I will be a 69 (almost 70) year old with a newborn. Now we will have help. Janet’s sister is an experienced Yaya (nursemaid) and is moving here in August.

On one hand I cannot fool myself; my energy ain’t what it was in my 40s. OTOH I don’t have to work, race kids to child care, and while I may still worry about money, I don’t have to worry about how this month’s mortgage will get paid as I did back then. We are in short, Ok financially.

Let me talk for a moment about the difference between the attitudes in the US and the Philippines. In the US no one wanted to know about our having a child. While they might accept our marriage no one wanted to ask about that baby stuff.

In the Philippines, when we would visit before retirement, the 1st or 2nd question always asked when we met someone new was, “Do you have kids? Are you planning to?” This was conspicuously different. If anything, over the years it bothered Janet, because of course she had to answer that – no we had no children but were trying. I know that it made her very sad.

But for me it was a happy question. Here in the Philippines having babies is an assumed result of getting married. Most of my 60+ year old friends here have young children with their partners and they are all happy that Janet and I will be joining the club.

When my first son was born 26 years ago when I was 43, friends asked, “Do you know how old you will be when he graduates high school, Dave?” I would reply testy, “I’m good at math and am an engineer. I know exactly how old I will be.” Now, no ones asks and I wouldn’t care if they did.

But I know the reality; there are no guarantees in life and I will stick with Jackson and Janet as long as possible and impart to my son as much as I can in as many years as I have.

The other day someone posted a quiz on Facebook: “How old were you or will you be when your child turns 18.” Needless to say, I was the only one who answered “87.”

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“Any of You Sum B’s Call Me Grandpa – I’ll Kill Ya”

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Last Friday I arrived home and almost immediately Janet asked, “Do you have any plans tomorrow?” I had no Saturday plans other than to lay around, which as a hard working kano I deserve, and Janet had the day off as well, so a little husband-wife time seemed in order. I assumed she had something in mind and asked, “Is there something you want to do?”

“Michelle and Douglas just had their baby and I want to visit.”

“Remind me who Michelle and Douglas are,” I answered. In the last year we have made friends with many Fil-Am couples and that in conjunction with my geriatric memory (I joke that I barely remember my kids’ names) made it necessary for Janet to jog said memory. She began to describe what each looked like and I nodded my head in recognition, though truth be told I didn’t remember. Saying that he is “tall and white” and she is “short and Filipina,” didn’t exactly eliminate many possibilities.

‘Where do they live,” I asked.

“They just moved to a new home. I have the address. I think it’s close.”

“Good. I had a long week and…” I read the address. “This place is at least 45 minutes away.” Actually, according to Google Maps it was over an hour away. She looked devastated. “But you know,” I continued. “If we went just a bit out of our way, we can do a nice drive up the Gorge and go to that restaurant we like for lunch.”

Janet began chatting via Facebook with Michelle. “We can have lunch there,” she announced.

“OK, but there goes my idea,” I said. “But if they’ve invited us for lunch…”

“They didn’t invite us for lunch.”

“But you just said.”

“We should bring them lunch. After all, when I have a baby I want people to visit me too.”

“And what kind of lunch do you want to bring them?” I said, a bit of exhaustion creeping into my voice, imagining preparing lunch and then driving an hour.

“Fried chicken.”

“You mean KFC.” Janet smiled happily.

Janet loves KFC. The only thing she doesn’t like about the place is the fact that there is no white rice on the menu. This makes no sense to her and is clearly a poor management decision and the prime reason KFC is no longer one of the fast food big boys.

“Can we get Popeye’s instead?” she quietly asked. Janet had recently discovered Popeye’s and considers it a step up from KFC, since in the Philippines “crispy” is king and a Popeye’s drumstick is crispy enough to use to break up cement.

I agreed. The weather was supposed to be nice, the drive would be pleasant and there is very little that I enjoy more than seeing Janet happily speak Visayan to a fellow Pinay. Janet’s English is good but speaking it is still a strain and causes a “nose bleed.” When she speaks Visayan she laughs and screams in a way that she can’t do in English. I love watching it. So, we were set for the next day.

That night we were watching a movie. For reasons that I still cannot fathom she chose from Netflix the bio-pic “Patton.” Three hours of explosions and George C. Scott scowling and holding his ivory-handled oten substitute!

Janet was surfing on her phone. As a writer and former wannabee screenwriter I find watching a film and Facebooking at the same time to be offensive but have given up trying to make an issue of it. Janet seems to be able to multi-task, though in the middle of Patton she did stop and ask, “What is this all about?”

My answer of, “A crazy World War 2 general,” seemed to satisfy her.

Suddenly she asked, “what do you think about this name?” She started throwing out combinations of first and middle names and I absently nodded my head in approval as husbands the world over do when they are trying to concentrate on a movie.

I didn’t need to ask why she was seeking my input on names. I knew all too well why.
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After she’d come up with a couple female combinations she liked, Janet asked, “What about boy names.”

“How about George Scott?” I answered. I was bored with the movie anyway and always considered Rommel to be the more interesting General.

We went back and forth on names for about fifteen minutes until she had several options she liked. My suggestion of Jack, my grandfather’s name, as well as Nicholson’s did not make her short list.

The next day we got up, Janet made rice, we grabbed a bucket from Popeye’s drive through and headed for our friends’ home. They live in a small city or big town; from Janet’s perspective it’s the provinces. The drive was nice, the air was clean, and the beautiful view from their yard was provincial.

The baby slept most of the time, as do all newborns. I have forgotten the child’s name; it was hard enough to consistently remember Michelle and Douglas. BTW, once they opened the door I did at least remember who they were!

Both parents gamely tried to wake the baby. After all, they reasoned, if friends had driven an hour and brought crispy chicken to boot, the star had to make an appearance. Finally, she did and Janet, Michelle and the baby disappeared into a bedroom, giving Douglas and I a great excuse to watch the Ducks whip UCLA.

I knew what was happening in the bedroom. Janet was getting herself more and more amped up for a future when she would be a proud mother. At 26, if she were still in the Philippines without child she’d be bordering on aged.

It wasn’t just Janet that was feeling the loneliness of being without child. Like potential grandmothers the world over, Janet’s mom was looking forward to a grandchild. She’d already let Janet know that if we have a baby and want to come visit, we could feel free to leave the baby behind for six months or so.

Now in American culture, Janet’s mother’s suggestion would be unheard of. After all the woman had ten children; three are still living at home and going to school. Several of her other children are living within rooster-crowing distance. She has two grandchildren who she is practically raising.

There is of course also the point that in the Philippines mixed children are considered highly attractive; like winning the lottery, our progeny might become the star of the barangay. Janet’s teenage brother had already made it clear to her 2 year old niece that “when Janet and Dave have their white, long-nosed baby” that baby will be replacing the two year old as the star of the family.

There have been other incidents. A couple weeks ago out of nowhere Janet wanted to rearrange our room. I complied and we moved stuff around. There was no real need or advantage to do so, but I innately knew why we were doing it; she was getting ready.

A few days ago, Janet’s BFF suggested that she should be pregnant by January. Now that Michelle and Douglas have had their child, there is only one more pregnant woman in our Fil-Am community, and she is due about then.  That would give Janet nine months of uninterrupted community attention.

The interesting point of all this is what I have described before as the dichotomy in my life. At work I actively talk about the end and my retirement plans which are at least within sight. At home we plan for another beginning. I guess I am too am getting myself ready.

—–

My teenagers are nearly 15 and 19, meaning that I was already in my 40s when I had them. One day, over 18 years ago I carried my then baby boy into the convenience store around the corner. I was a frequent customer but the Korean store owner had never seen my newborn.  “Ah, your grandson,” he declared excitedly.

“No, he’s not my grandson!” I yelled at the man, pissed as hell.

Four years later, I carried my newborn daughter into the same store. The same store owner declared happily, “Ah, your granddaughter.”

“No, she’s not my granddaughter!” I shouted.

At this age, with the possibility of a new baby looming, I suppose the best I can hope for is to be called grandpa!

Life is good and never boring!

PS. And finally, here’s Sam Elliot telling it like it is!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phrJkFCw6so