Category Archives: Blog

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“Never Can Say Goodbye”

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OK, this post might come off as a little bit maudlin or saccharine. I’ll try to joke it up but no promises.

A couple days ago we met with some friends at a restaurant. One of those friends moved away a few years back but comes to Portland every couple months on business, so he organizes the get together. In this case I think that Janet and I were more the objects du jour. It was probably the last time we will see many of these people – at least until we return periodically to the US.

Of course Janet has invited everyone we know to come visit us in Dumaguete, but I’m a cynic and am not counting on everyone to take her up on the offer.

I suspect I’m like most guys – I don’t do goodbyes well. While the girls hugged and lingered at the end of the party, I shook a couple hands, said some meaningless stuff or didn’t say anything at all. After 64 years I still don’t know what to say. In the era of Facebook all I could say is “Watch us on Facebook, and the blog (and vlog)” which of course everyone said they would do.

We’ve also met some special friends for dinner. It’s like a farewell tour without the gifts at each stop. Tonight we meet with our next door neighbors. Thai food I am told. “You have to eat,” everyone says. We will talk about our upcoming adventures. I will bitch about my house closing, which is a bit delayed. But in the end we will shake hands and hug. It’s tough to know what to say. I think Janet’s better at it than me.

I may be old but I’m not all that sentimental. Some friends I will miss, some I won’t, others I will laugh about or at. And some I will get to see when we return to Portland; and maybe some I will see in the Philippines.

One thing about being retired is that we can meet them without much notice. So, someone is coming into Cebu – we can arrange a day in Cebu. Boracay? I’m there. Palawan? I’ll arrive before they do!

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This story comes under the category of the flexibility and practicality of my wife. The amount of stuff we will be bringing is much greater than a normal vacation. Each of us will have two stuffed suitcases. I am bringing my guitar. I will need to grow a third arm – and soon. We booked our tickets to Cebu and then a ticket from Cebu to Dumaguete. But after booking I realized the Cebu Pacific flight only allows 20 kg. I went back and looked it up; some flights have a 20kg max and this is a prop plane. Janet suggested we take the bus south to the tip of Cebu and then ferry to Dumaguete. I said “are you sure. We will have a 21 hour flight and then a 5 hour bus ride.” She was sure! Besides, we could stop in her hometown of Alcoy for the night and rest at our favorite, the BBB. And of course we could see the family while at the BBB. Something tells me I’d better sleep on the plane.

Speaking of the house closing delay. I planned this thing so well. Waited to book the tickets. Gave us 10 days padding between the closing and the flight, just in case. Finally even our real estate agent was confident enough to tell us “your safe to book your tickets now” and so I did. Flight leaves the night of the 30th. So guess what? Yesterday we hear the closing is delayed based on a paper work error. We may close as late as the 28th! Don’t these people know that I’m old and might keel over from the stress?

But don’t worry – nothing’s gonna stop us now.

 

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The Retirement Move is Nearly Here!

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Here’s an update on our upcoming move. Just random thoughts really but hopefully there is some insight into what we’re doing and our thought process (or lack thereof).

I retired May 1st. The date wasn’t random and was based on trying to milk as much as possible out of my job. Since I had accrued 4 weeks vacation time, the month prior to retirement I was on vacation. And since our building was closed for the two months prior to that for remodeling, the reality is I was “working from home” starting in February.  It actually helped in the adjustment since basically I was retired for the 3 months prior to my actual retirement.

I had the standard retirement party except at my company there is no such thing as a standard retirement party since almost no one makes it to retirement. My manager kindly arranged the party and his manager even more kindly paid for it.

Since I am fundamentally a cheap bastard, I arranged to retire May 1st, which meant that my medical insurance was paid for the month of May. I had scheduled my Social Security to start in May. The process of applying for Social Security was much less Draconian than I thought it would be. The only gotcha was they told me that while I can collect for May the 1st check didn’t come until the last week of June, so there was an annoying gap between my last paycheck and my 1st Social Security check. Nonetheless on June 28th it was auto-deposited into my bank account and all was right with the world.

Then in May, Janet passed her final interview and was sworn in as a citizen of the United States. This was a goal of ours to have her become a US citizen before we would move. Two weeks later a shiny new blue passport arrived for her. Lots of people have asked me why we did this. I don’t think that most Americans understand just how amazing that Blue passport is and the fact that it allows you to basically go anywhere in the world! This is certainly not true of a Philippines passport. And to be frank, Janet is very proud to be a US citizen and I am very proud of her. She got to celebrate her first 4th of July as an American and did it the way most Filipinas do – swimming at the river and taking a ton of selfies wearing her American flag bathing suit!

Two days after I retired we listed our house for sale. I had told Janet many times that in the United States the process of buying or selling a house is, outside of having a baby, one of the most stressful things in life. Unfortunately, I forgot to tell myself. The house remained on the market for 6 weeks and each week we were under more and more pressure trying to figure out what to do to get rid of the old dog (not me, the house). For those 6 weeks the house and yard were the cleanest and neatest they have ever been (mostly due to Janet’s efforts). We are currently in the closing process, which is almost as stressful, and in two weeks we sign the papers, get the check and are officially homeless.
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Our strategy of where to live in the Philippines is sort of complicated. While there are many houses in Dumaguete for rent online, I was uncomfortable renting a place I had never seen, particularly since all house rentals there require a lease. I didn’t want to get stuck with a year’s lease on a rental house we hated or one where the next door neighbor sang karaoke till 3:00 AM. So the general consensus among friends was to rent a month to month apartment, and with “boots on the ground” go about the process of finding a house to lease. So I officially sent a deposit and we have a 2 bedroom townhouse. By Philippines standards it isn’t cheap at 20k pesos/month ($400) but is modestly furnished and includes cable and wifi.

In the next couple of days we will ship 9 balikbayan boxes to our apartment. It’s amazing how much you can fit in these boxes. Basically everything we decided to keep is in these boxes, including my tools and enough materials to make the first few guitars in my retirement. We’ve had good luck with balikbayan boxes before so hopefully these will arrive perhaps a month after we arrive in Dumaguete and the contents will survive.

An interesting tidbit on the financial front. We decided to visit our banks and the company that manages my retirement funds to ask what issues we might encounter. They all told us the same thing; don’t tell us you are actually residing abroad, since that will put restrictions on the accounts. Just pretend you’re traveling a lot. This is consistent with the experiences of a few friends in the Philippines who told their banks they had moved to the Philippines, only to find their accounts restricted afterwards. So honestly is not always the best policy.

 

 

Blogette

What to Do About Crime – Cultural Differences and the Bolo

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We live in a “nice” neighborhood, but it’s urban. It’s one of the attractions; it’s a pleasant, slightly upscale area that’s close to downtown and all the action. So it’s not unusual for homeless people to wander up our street.

The other day a young man, clearly stoned and/or psychotic, stopped in front of our house. He was yelling and screaming, flipping the bird, tore off his shirt, etc. He walked onto our porch and then back to the sidewalk a couple of times. My wife is watching him like a hawk. I’m watching too but I’m mostly amused. Finally he hits the For Sale sign in front of our house with his fist. He grabs the flyers in the box, crumples them up and throws them in the street. Apparently he doesn’t want us to move 🙂 I call 911.

A few minutes later a policeman arrives. We watch (as do the rest of our neighbors) as the cop talks to the young man. I know the drill; the cop can and will do nothing. I talk to the officer who as expected explains that unless he sees the guy committing a real crime he can’t arrest him. He asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and the guy said no. That’s all the cop can do.

In the meantime our next-door neighbor arrives and she is hugging Janet and is crying. Janet is not crying; Janet is pissed. Why can’t the police take him away or at least allow her to bolo the guy. The young man continues to wander aimlessly and the officer talks to him again. He eventually agrees to be taken to the hospital.

I explain the realities to my pissed off wife. The streets and sidewalks are public; you cannot keep people from using them just because they don’t live there, even if they are stoned, drunk, crazy or all three.

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Janet simply does not understand the insane nature of the United States. Our next door neighbor is a construction contractor and has a few pick up trucks. One or two are often parked in front of our house. Janet is incensed. I’ve talked to my neighbor, a nice guy, and he tries to keep them from my house, but after all, the streets are public and I don’t own the spaces in front of our home. I suspect that my lovely wife thinks that the bolo to a couple tires might solve the problem.

I am not sure what my point is or if I have a point; it’s just interesting to see the cultural difference. In the Philippines I suspect Janet would threaten the young man with a bolo (and she is very skilled) and he’d run off. She’d complain to the barangay captain about the neighbor’s trucks or take the law into her own hands. Needless to say, Janet loves Duterte.

I understand her attitude. I pay plenty for my house, am annoyed by the homeless wandering through, and the inability or unwillingness of the police to lock them all up. But I also understand this is the price I pay for living in a nice place close to the action; as well as the price we all pay for freedom (or what we believe is freedom).

It did make me nostalgic for a time when the cops could act differently. I explained to Janet that the freedom we have in the US does not only impact home owners, but in my heart I wouldn’t mind taking out the bolo myself.

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Why I don’t Blog/Vlog for Cash and Prizes

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“It’s a slippery slope” or “once you go down this path” or some such cliche but what I am referring to is the growing number of Philippines expat blogs and vlogs that ask subscribers for money. Now I don’t want to judge anyone who does this; they may need the money to supplement their income. Or they may legitimately be involved in projects that help Filipinos and accept donations toward that end. Or they may owe their shabu dealer. But it’s a slippery slope – there, I’ve said it again.

As we get very close to moving to the Philippines Janet and I have discussed what we might like to do to help (in some modest way) Filipinos in our new community. But the one thing we have decided is that whatever we do we won’t be begging you, dear readers, for money.

Now, I had an experience that gave me some insight into the subtle power that we have in this new media of blogs and vlogs and how the dark side can tempt you (queue Darth Vader breathing).

About a year ago I posted a piece about a neighborhood in Cebu City which was destroyed by fire. My young BIL lived there and his apartment was destroyed. He lost all his possessions (clothing and rice cooker charred to a crisp). Janet and I immediately decided we would send him a little money to help him get back to normal.

The next day I got a note from a subscriber asking if he could “help.” I was taken aback; I didn’t know what to say. “How much?” I finally asked. In the end without thinking much about it, he Paypaled me a little cash and we included that in our donation to my BIL’s recovery. I was shocked, surprised and delighted that someone would care enough to help. But it all happened so fast that I didn’t think of the ramifications.

The next day Janet suggested that I should do a follow-up blog to thank the generous subscriber. That seemed like the right thing to do but I hesitated. I finally told Janet, “I can’t figure out a way to write a thank you without implying that the rest of my deadbeat subscribers ought to do the same.” What if they take it as a subtle hint and I end up with $1000 in donations? I’m repeating myself, but it’s a slippery slope. Of course then we could get my BIL a Zojirushi rice cooker, a 10-cupper with all the bells and whistles!

So in the end I did nothing. I thanked my newly found friend again privately and BTW, we’ve remained friends ever since but I never thanked him publicly. But I am now although I won’t embarrass him by naming names. Thank you anonymous donor for your generosity.
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So dear readers be assured that if you too send me money I won’t embarrass you by thanking you by name. No, no – that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say is that if you want to send me money to put in the slots at the Waterfront Mactan Hotel and call it a donation – no, no – that won’t work either.

What I really mean to say is that I won’t ask for your money. I’m a rich kano and don’t need it.

The point of my story is that I understand that it can be tempting. A stranger you’ve never met sends you money over the Internet. Since Janet and I are good people we used the money for a good purpose. But where is the fine line between getting cash and doing a good deed and holding my hand out hoping (and perhaps begging) for a little more cash. That’s a fine line I don’t wish to cross.

I admire the way that many bloggers and vloggers do it. They don’t ask for donations but once in a while mention that someone sent them a box of supplies to help kids. Or they use the small amount of Adsense money they earn to help someone. But some guys have crossed that invisible line and it gives me the creeps. You can hear them subtlety hint for things that they need in order to help others. “Boy, a 60″ flat screen would sure help with our charity work.”

But as I say, I understand from my tiny experience how easy it is to be seduced. So for me it’s easier to “just say no.”

But if you insist, well I don’t want to insult you, so…is PayPal good for you?

Blogette

New YouTube Channels

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You may already know that we have a YouTube Channel, called oddly enough, MarriedaFilipina.

But now we have an additional channel for my guitarmaking exploits in the Philippines, called Expat Guitar Maker in the Philippines.
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Enjoy both and please subscribe!

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Dating Filipina Scammers – It’s a “You” Problem

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All you have to do to drive up traffic and controversy on your blog, You Tube vlog, forum, or in expat conversations is state that “Filipinas are scammers” or “they all will take advantage of you.” Others will nod their heads in agreement or sagely advise to “let’s be careful out there.”

Let me state my argument up front. In 90% of the cases it’s a “you problem.”

Now I am not trying to suggest that there are not “bad” women in the Philippines looking for cash, just as there are any place in the world.

But going back to my refrain that you’re gonna read often, so get used to it; generally it’s a “you problem.”

After all, you have all the advantages. You’re typically older (in my case much, much older) with the alleged wisdom that comes with age. You have a 1st worlder’s sophistication and a 1st worlder’s education. And even if you’re poor as a church mouse, by Philippines standards you’re rich – at least a little bit rich 🙂

And the Filipina friend you’ve been cultivating online? Young and inexperienced, unsophisticated, without that 1st world education. And let’s not forget she has no money, nor have her parents. So you have all the advantages, right? Well expect for the fact that she’s cute (or in the case of Janet more than just cute), sweet, treats you great, has a traditional sensibility. And oh, did I mention she’s pretty damn cute?

Barely a day goes by in which I don’t hear a tale of woe about some guy who sent money to a girl online, built her a house, paid the medical expenses for her parents or uncle, etc. Then he found out that she – wait for it – wanted his money.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. This is the easiest problem in the dating world to navigate; don’t send any money to someone you have not met in person and are not in a serious relationship with. And if you choose not to heed that advise – it’s a “you problem.” And BTW, even after you have met and are in a relationship, stick to the common refrain “less is more.”

This is the easiest problem in the dating world to navigate; don’t send any money to someone you have not met in person and are not in a serious relationship with.

That being said, you could consider a “test” with a small amount of money. I did it with one of the women I was chatting with back in the day. She chatted online from an internet cafe, a pretty common occurrence in the Philippines. But she wasn’t online much; money was the obstacle. I finally proposed that I send her the princely sum of $20 on the condition that she use it solely for our chatting; you can chat a long time for 20 bucks in the Philippines. You can guess the outcome. A couple weeks later she finally got online and admitted she spent the money, probably on something foolish like food. For a tiny investment I had my answer and found a much better chat mate in Janet.

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Then there’s the refrain you often hear that all foreign women just want a green card. Right – cause every Filipina wants to live in a crazy place where we all just spent the last year arguing over Trump vs. Clinton 🙂

I’m not saying it doesn’t ever happen but I know 100+ Fil-Am couples living in my city and none of the women dumped their husbands the moment they got the green card. And believe me, with the exception of yours truly, none of these guys is exactly George Clooney.

And believe me, with the exception of yours truly, none of these guys is exactly George Clooney.

OK, I do know one couple that divorced and the green card was an issue. The guy is bright and successful but complained about the wife from the moment they married. Eventually he proposed they divorce but that he would allow her to get her 10 year green card first. Scammer that she was, she actually wanted to save the marriage; he didn’t. Well at least she got the green card.

Anyone who is an avid reader of this blog knows that I have made a mistake or two in my Philippines journey. I just thought it ridiculous to blame an entire country of women for the mistakes that I made. Well, that and the fact I still had lots of fun making those mistakes.

Now most of us are adults here. By that I mean that what you do is your choice. If you want to send money to a girl you haven’t met, or shower her  family with cash and prizes or any of a huge number of foolish things guys do when they’re around women; well, it’s your money and your decision. You have the right to do whatever you want. Just don’t complain afterwards about how “they” are all scammers.

So guys – be careful in dating, whether you begin online or in country. Get to know each other as best as you can. Visit her as often as you can. Take your time. But in the end, you’re the one with the age, sophistication, education and resources. If things don’t go the way you hoped – say it with me – it’s a “you problem.”

 

 

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Life, Illness and Death in the Philippines – Preferably the Former

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There are a couple of well known Philippines vloggers who have recently had heart issues and of course vlogged about it, because that’s what you do nowadays when you are having tests and open heart surgery. I wish them well, but their experiences have been thought-provoking and scary.

In addition, I am Facebook friends  with many of my classmates from high school. Since we graduated 46 years ago, this means that they are all old. You notice I didn’t say I am old; I am married to Janet so how can I be old. But the rest of my classmates are 🙂

Not to be too unkind but they often post about their ailments, their partners’ ailments, their dogs’ ailments, etc. Some are minor and some are quite major.  Again, I don’t want to be indelicate, but I wish they would all get better quickly – if only so that I don’t have to be reminded of what lies ahead.

So as we get older, how do we deal with this? For years I could avoid dealing with any of the aging process by saying “I am perfect, no issues, not a broken bone, not a stitch.” I was the guy who went to the doctor’s office and the nurse took my blood pressure and said, “Wow, I wish I had your BP.” A few years ago they stopped saying that. Not that my BP is high, just that the doctor says I should cut down on my salt. “So what would you suggest?” I asked. “Telling them not to put salt on my fries at McD’s?” Ok, it’s a start.

Last month I bought a blood pressure monitor because I figure they might not have those free monitors in super markets in the Philippines. My 20 year old son asked what it was. “The gizmo that’ll tell me what week I’m gonna die.” And of course like most people with BP monitors I have begun to obsess  over it and try to figure why yesterday I was 5 points lower than today; knowing that at this rate of increase I have maybe a month to live.

I have a couple other minor physical annoyances. I’m a woodworker and my fingers and thumbs are always stiff and sore. Everything else is sore too but the fingers are sort of important to me. I even bought a pair of cut-resistant gloves because when I was younger and cut myself, the bleeding would stop. Now it stops only after all the blood has completely run out.

But really I’ve been lucky. No major health crisis and nothing’s fallen off. According to our Optometrist I am 20-20 with better vision than Janet. Of course I have to wear reading glasses most of the day because my arms have shrunk.

I have an acupuncturist and every time I go to him he says I am in great shape with no major issues compared to his other patients, who apparently have stuff falling off. So I keep going to him because just like with the BP, I like hearing that I’m OK – until I’m not.

But all this health and aging stuff is an issue for those of us moving abroad. After all I live in a country with the best medical system in the world 🙂 OK, that was said sarcastically, since we all know the U.S. medical system is far from the best; it’s only the most expensive.

So how do I deal with the possibility of getting sick in the Philippines? The same as here – I’ve decided not to get sick. I mean there is no easy or pleasant way around it, is there? Wherever you are, whatever the medical system is like, no matter what the costs or the insurance coverage – no one wants to get sick. And yet someday most of us will. Personally I prefer dying in bed with Janet or getting hit by a jeepney, but what if I don’t?

From a strictly nuts and bolts standpoint there are a few things you should do in the Philippines. Phil Health, the Philippines health care insurance system is a deal that beats all deals in life. It’s about 2400 pesos a year, which is about $50/year. Yeah you heard that right, 50 bucks! And even if you are an expat not married to a Filipina, you are eligible. Now the coverage is modest. It covers hospitalization and depending on the hospital and what’s being done, Phil Health will typically pay between 15 – 40% of your bill. But did I mention it’s $50 a year!

Thanks to President Duterte there is a now a national 911 system in the Philippines. It’s an amazing achievement. However in most of the Philippines calling 911 because you are having a medical crisis has limited benefit because in most places there are no ambulances. So, make sure you or your wife or your trike driver knows how to get to the hospital.

Choose your hospital wisely: Last year we were in Cebu City and I cut myself (I hadn’t brought my cut resistant gloves) and we thought I would need stitches. We grabbed a taxi and Janet told the driver to take us to the emergency room closest to Ayala Mall. Janet is a smart multi-tasker.

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So in the Philippines I will find a doctor I can work with, a dentist, and an acupuncturist to tell me I’m in great shape. I will tend to give them the benefit of the doubt because – they are dirt cheap. Oh, did I not mention that before? When I went to the ER last year for the stitches that I actually didn’t need, the doctor and nurse dressed my wound, and gave me a tetinis shot. ER cost? $9.

One of the vloggers I referenced at the beginning of this piece ended up needing quadruple bypass surgery. He used Phil Health Z, a special program for particularly major health issues. He posted that his quadruple bypass cost the equivalent of $5100. For that amount it’s almost worth having the blockages.

And BTW, in the US with our greatest medical system in the world 🙂 , you’re not going to see doctors jump for joy like in the Philippines (see picture above). So the Philippines has a big advantage in the jumping up and down for joy medical category.

I was talking to a friend recently who happens to be a health professional in this, the greatest medical system in the world 🙂 We agreed completely; quality vs. quantity is where it’s at. His other advise? That we should all tattoo “No CPR” on our chests.

So here for me, as I age and prepare to retire and move is the issue: do I want to park my keester near a hospital in the country with the greatest medical system in the world 🙂 or do I want to live out my life with joy and happiness, even if it’s farther from a hospital and there are no $600 ambulance rides to be had?

Now if only I can convince Filipino restaurants to cook with less salt I can have both quality and quantity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Do Ladyboys Pay for Sex? Bonus – the Korean who bought my speakers.

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I’ve debated about writing about this subject for the last week or so, but knew I would ultimately do it, because I found the following discussion with Janet odd and it cracked me up. That being said, as always, if you are offended, I apologize.

I don’t remember how the discussion began or how it morphed into the topic of ladyboys and sex, but Janet told me that “gays (or ladyboys) in the Philippines have to pay for sex with men.”

Now for the uninitiated, ladyboy is a term for men who like to dress and make themselves up to look like women. In the West we certainly have many men who dress this way, and while there is still a stigma surrounding them, I suspect the stigma is fading, albeit slowly. However, in the Philippines and much of Asia, there is far more acceptance, far less stigma, and frankly far more ladyboys. While I have no idea of what the numbers or percentages are there is no doubt it’s quite a significant percentage. Even in small town, provincial Philippines there are many ladyboys.

Some Westerners come to Asia and are shocked, others amused, a few attracted, and still others (like me) are curious. For example, I have written before about how it seems that all the firedancers in the Philippines seem to be ladyboys, and wondered why. I’ve still gotten no real answer to that question.

Fire dancer and Me
Fire dancer and Me
Fire dancer and Janet
Fire dancer and Janet

After Janet made her pronouncement that “ladyboys pay for sex with men” – well I disagreed with her, sure that this was an area where perhaps she was not well versed or worldly.

“There are many gay men and ladyboys in the Philippines,” I responded. “Surely there are more than enough that they don’t have to pay for sex.”

“Yes they do,” she assured me.

“But why would a ladyboy need to pay for sex with another ladyboy?”

“No. A ladyboy needs to pay for sex with a man,” she replied.

I scratched my head, thought about it and finally understood. “You mean that a ladyboy has to pay for sex with a straight man,” I said.

“Oh, no. He’s probably gay too,” she said. “But he’s a man.”

Now I was completely baffled.

“So if the other man is gay why would the ladyboy have to pay for sex?”

Janet looked at me, perplexed. “Because he’s a man.”
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“You mean he’s male and he’s gay but he’s not a ladyboy?”

“Correct.”

“Then why,” I asked, “doesn’t the ladyboy just have sex with another ladyboy?”

Janet shook her head at her idiot of a husband. “Because the ladyboy’s female and the female always wants to have sex with a male, not another female.”

“And the man has more power in the relationship than the woman and so he gets paid.”

“Correct,” she replied, seeing that I finally understood.

“Then why don’t you pay me for sex?” I asked giggling. Janet was not amused.

____________________

As you perhaps know we are downsizing in anticipation of our move. While most of our furniture is far from expensive, one area that I spent money on in the past is audio-video equipment.

Years ago I bought my main speakers, and eventually got a center speaker and surrounds from the same company.  I considered the main pair of speakers in particular to be valuable and was determined to get my price for them. But because they were a bit high end and from a small company that’s not named Bose, I thought it might take a while to find the right person willing to buy them.

So Janet encouraged me to list them on Craigslist now, in case it took some months to sell. Over the years when it comes to money matters I more and more listen to Janet; her judgment is usually sound. So I listed the speakers and in the listing said the price was “firm.” As usual on Craigslist, I had a few “tire kickers” or people who wanted to buy them if I would drop the price. Finally I got an email from a man in Seattle (a 3 hour drive) who told me from the get go that he was “60 years old. Korean,” and wanted the speakers and could he come Saturday and get them.

I thought it was curious that he defined his age and nationality. Perhaps he was assuring me he was an old and non-threatening geezer, like me. I agreed. I assumed that he was a fan of the small speaker manufacturer and therefore was willing to drive 6 hours round trip to buy them. This is not a pair of speakers you are likely to see listed very often on Craigslist.

Saturday morning arrived and I texted him to confirm that he was actually coming, since I figured it was 50-50 that he would cancel or was flat out a bull shit artist. I got a one word text back, “Yes.” I replied whether he was coming at the time we agreed to. Again just, “Yes.”

So, I dropped off Janet to meet friends for lunch and rushed back home to meet the guy who had driven 3 hours just to look at and presumably buy my speakers. I turned on my system and chose a jazz album that I thought did justice to the quality of the speakers.

887967-anthony-gallo-reference-30-upgraded

My new Korean friend arrived and came in. I pointed to the speakers and the jazz they were playing. I had encouraged him to bring his own fave CD or DVD to demo but he had nothing in hand. I asked him whether he had a fave type of music he would like me to play. He shrugged. I went to change the style of music. He didn’t seem to care. I began talking about the speakers. He didn’t seem much interested in them. He barely looked that them. I remember when I purchased them, I examined every square inch and demoed them for at least a half hour before convincing myself that they were the best sounding speakers that I would likely every own.

It became increasingly obvious that my potential Korean customer spoke little English. “Have you heard Gallos before,” I asked. He shrugged and shook his head no.

“Have Altecs in my van,” he said. That’s nice, I thought.

No discussion about high end audio as I anticipated, no extended demoing, no examining every inch of the merchandise as I would have done. Just a comment as he lifted one of the speakers. “Heavy.”

“Yeah, they’re kinda heavy,” I agreed.

Finally, there was nothing more to say and I asked him did he want them? He nodded and left to go back to his van where he had the money. He may not have spoken any English, but he knew how not to get ripped off.

He came back into the house, laid the money out on the table and we were done. We carried the speakers to his van, which was already filled with speakers, including the aforementioned huge Altecs. Either this guy was some kind of dealer or his wife loved karaoke.

 

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The “Outdoor Plumbing” and Bladder Retention Issue

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Note: We’ve got a shiny new (ok, not so new) YouTube Channel, called, Married a Filipina. Please check it out and subscribe as I post more videos! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_1lUo3tR9-JQK3gXLRkYag

I spent part of this morning reading some of my old blog postings. I know, I know – spending time reading my old scribblings proves I have a thrilling life! My readings included a piece called, Meet the Parents. Feel free to go back and read it; it’s a good ‘un.

I described the first time I met Janet’s family and her fear of my reaction to the home she grew up in, her “old” parents (who were younger than me). She also warned me about the lack of indoor plumbing in their home, and here I’ll quote what I wrote a couple years ago about the experience. “Of course there was no indoor plumbing and I was told by Janet to avoid using the outhouse. Thanks goodness that at my advanced age bladder retention is still – well, retained.”

I found, as I described in that previous blog, that her modest home was perfectly nice and her parents were not old looking or acting, or at least not as geriatric as the guy she was going to marry 🙂

But I avoided the “outhouse” and continued to avoid it for years and the many times I visited the family home. And Janet continued to mention over the years that I should avoid the bathroom. This led to a curious, though effective scheduling scenario every time we went to their home based on the fact that I was confident that bladder retention could be retained for perhaps  half a day. So, if a late afternoon dinner was planned, we might arrive in the early afternoon and leave in the early evening, just in time for me to get back to our hotel, the famous BBB (Bodos Bamboo Bar) so that I could do my best imitation of Tom Hanks in the Green Mile.

I suppose that if asked I would admit that I was afraid of what I might find or what I might smell in that large concrete structure. Honestly, images of the kid hiding in the outhouse in Schindler’s List came to mind. And no, I will not post a video of that scene; no need to thank me. That image kept me far away from the bathroom. It also kept me from drinking too many San Miguels at Janet’s ancestral home, which disappointed the men in the family, who might have wanted to see the kano get hammered.

But over the years I had my doubts. After all, I was now married to Janet and knew her to be a very meticulous, cleanly person. I had been around her sisters enough to know that they were the same way. So how, I wondered, could they stand it? Poverty forces difficult sacrifices, I told myself as I forced the Schindler’s List image out of my mind for the hundredth time.

This past April, we spent a week in Alcoy. The last day lunch was scheduled at the ancestral home with the required lechon. I had always expressed a desire to see how they did it and Janet asked if I wanted to go early and see what the lechon guy did. So, we arrived around 10:30 and watched the lechon guy perform his magic. You can see a video of that and some other Alcoy fun here. By 12:00 the happy barangay was being fed.

Me and my lechon friend.
Me and my lechon friend.

After lunch, I proceeded to consume 3 glasses of Red Horse with my father in law and Lolo; a bit more than would normally be prudent, but it was my last day in Alcoy. Games happened, talk happened. 4:00 arrived and Janet and I actually took a mini nap. Upon awakening at 4:30 I knew I was in trouble and woke up Janet quickly and said “we have to go.” Janet awoke and slowly complied but of course, since this was our last day in Alcoy we had to say our goodbyes – to everyone. I felt embarrassed by how quickly I was saying goodbye to the family.

Now you might be wondering, this being the Philippines, and deep in the provinces, why I didn’t just head off and find a place to do my business. I mean that’s certainly culturally appropriate in the Philippines.

The reason is that my mother in law and everyone else in the family keeps an eye on me like a hawk. Just the day before I was going to go back to the BBB and Janet was going to stay for dinner. I got up to leave. My MIL insisted that I have the kids accompany me to the main road where I would get a trike. I assured her that I knew the way and had been successfully walking on my own since my 30s. No dice. Ten kids accompanied me.

So I knew I could not just sneak off to find a place to pee.  I rushed Janet, we quickly said our goodbyes, hit the trail toward the main road, accompanied by the kids, and grabbed a trike. A little bit after 5:00 I was back at the BBB again pulling my Tom Hanks impression. OK, “pulling” is a bit inappropriate 🙂

But Janet was upset. “Why did you have to rush us,” she demanded to know.

“Because I had to pee – badly!” I said.
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“So why didn’t you just use the bathroom?”

“What!” I yelled. “Because you’ve told me for years that I should never never use it – that it was awful.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” she shot back, surprised.

“It doesn’t stink?”

“No.”

“It’s not like, you know –  Schindler’s List?” I asked.

“Huh?”

So, first I insisted that Janet acknowledge that she in fact had repeatedly told me over the years that I should never use it. She finally laughed and admitted she had said that. I then screwed up my courage and asked her to describe the environment.

Turns out my image of splintery planks with crude holes in them was not quite accurate. In fact there were standard toilets and no smell. The only adjustment you’d have to make is that, as in many places in the Philippines, including a couple of hotel rooms we’ve stayed in, a bucket of water and a ladle sits next to the toilet and that’s what’s used to get it to flush.

There was no sense in busting Janet too much for her deception. I understood that just as she had described her home as poor and terrible and her parents as old and poor, this was her way to protect me from the reality of her upbringing.

Next time I go to Alcoy I’m going to overdo the San Miguel and do my best Tom Hanks impression right there. Just don’t expect a video 🙂

 

 

 

 

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“You Don’t Look Like a Drug Dealer…”

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I’ve never been one of those paranoid people who believe that the media controls everything and everyone.  We are all human beings and control our own thoughts and destinies. I may have to change my mind.

As an aside, like most American husbands I know who actually controls everything and everyone – my wife. Just kidding, honey 🙂

I’ve been visiting the Philippines for about 5 years now and have been there 8 or 9 times (I’ve lost track). I’ve married a Filipina and as probably many of you know we’re intending to retire in the Philippines next year.

With few exceptions, nobody I know ever said squat. “Where are you going on vacation, Dave.” “The Philippines.” Nothing – crickets. Or maybe, “The Philippines again? You must like it there.”

When I would return I’d get the standard, “How was your vacation?” questions and the standard, “Glad you had a good time.” And that was it.

Let’s face it, most Americans know more about the changing shape and size of Kim Kardashian’s loboot than they do about the Philippines.  They know it’s a tropical island (ok, 7107 islands to be anally precise but who’s counting). They think it’s sort of in Asia. And if they are old enough they vaguely know something about MacArthur returning there, though since he’s long dead it’s possible that ain’t gonna happen.

That’s about it.

But all it takes is for Philippines President, Rodrigo Duterte, to kill a few (ok, a few thousand) drug dealers, and talk a little smack about President Obama and now everyone I know is an expert on the Philippines.

“That guy’s a loose canon.” I’ve heard that comment often enough that I have to assume CNN is promoting it as the new slogan for Philippines’ tourism, replacing “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” Frankly with Duterte in office I think it is more fun in the Philippines, but then I love Scorcese movies and the Taken series . My son and I once counted the number of people Liam Neeson killed in Taken and let’s just say he could be very useful in the Philippines. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a call.

Janet also has gotten a negative remark or two and handles them with her normal graceful aplomb – by reaming the remarker with a new one 🙂

And of course I have also gotten plenty of, “Are you still thinking of moving there?” followed by a roll of the eyes and a mumbled, ‘That guy’s crazy.’

This rose to the height of bizarre nonsense just the other day. As part of the downsizing of all my junk, which I recently documented here, I sold off my Nikon cameras, lenses, flashes, bags and associated crap. I decided to go the typical old geezer or traveling geezer route with a point and shoot camera. Of course having owned plenty of nice cameras in my life I wanted a good one that I could still get decent pics from and use for vlogging. And BTW, you should all get ready to be inundated with fascinating videos to come on my YouTube Channel here!

I chose the camera I wanted, found that Best Buy had an open boxed one at a discount and Janet and I headed over. As I’m playing with the camera, I’m telling the salesman what I will be up to as a soon to be retiree. Of course he’s glancing at the old guy’s cute wife, but at this point in my life that just comes with the territory.

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“The Philippines,” I say and pointed to Janet adding, “that’s where my wife’s from.”

“Well at least you and your wife don’t look like drug dealers. I guess you’ll be safe.”

“I take it you watch CNN,” I replied giggling. “OK, I’ll take the camera. You can watch me dodge bullets on YouTube.”

I guess the point is that people who didn’t know the Philippines from a hole in the wall now are experts. I find myself defending the country, Duterte and our future plans. Now as a defensive guy I don’t mind doing that but when you are debating it only works if the other person knows something about the subject. Someone who’s only seen a 30 second sound bite knows nothing about the Philippines.

“I hear that loose canon’s gonna kick all the American military out of the South part of the Philippines,” a co-worker informed me. She actually said it like it was a bad thing.

“I guess at your age they won’t confuse you with American military,” she added positively.

“Yeah, I might be able to pass.”

Although if I start smoking a pipe in the Philippines I suspect I could pass for MacArthur.

P.S. If you’re wondering why I posted the particular pic of Pres. Duterte above, which has nothing to do with the drug wars or his row with Pres. Obama, it’s because I think it represents the real Duterte – which is a very good thing!