This is a touchy subject. Like many of my posts this year it’s not gonna be as light and funny as usual. Tougher still, my standard blogging method is to use examples from people we know. Since I don’t want to hurt or embarrass any friends or relatives I will try to speak generally, unpersonally or use examples from Janet’s and my life.
Let me start out with a horrible bombshell. A few days ago in Janet’s hometown a teenager committed suicide. This was the 3rd suicide of a school-aged child in her town since the quarantines began. How many school-aged children have died of Covid-19 in her town during the same period of time? I think you can guess the answer – none. What we are doing to our children in the name of “safety” is unconscionable.
Love him or hate him; and there seems to be no middle ground; Trump got one thing right from the beginning of the lockdowns: he warned that if extended the mental health and suicide consequences would be dire. I can say that in my own personal life and the lives of those around me this has been true.
The irony is that since the strictest quarantines have been lifted here in Dumaguete, depression has gotten worse. Janet and I can do most things almost normally; shop, go to the mall, eat at a restaurant, exercise (I play golf twice a week), etc. Despite the fact that most of our lives have returned to some sense of normalcy, depression among many of the people we know has gotten worse.
I suspect in some weird way that when the worst of the lockdowns ended in May, many of us assumed that normal life would return and when it did not – well the months have taken their toll.
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What’s really weird is this: now that I get together regularly with friends no one wants to talk about depression. Sure, we talk about Covid and the excesses of the government lockdowns and how we can’t wait to be able to travel again. But there is little talk about the difficulties with wives and families or the internal darkest times. I guess it’s a male thing. The media is the same. Lots of reporting about death or positive tests and some talk about the economy. But no discussion about the real mental and emotional impact on people’s lives. Very weird.
The exception is the children. As usual they are more honest than adults. School started last week in the Philippines but it is not in person. In fact, kids under the age of 21 are still in quarantine; unable to leave their homes. There are exceptions and gradually you see kids out and about a little bit. But the young kids we know admit that they miss school and don’t understand why they can’t go back and we’ve heard several expression of “I am sad…anxious… and depressed.” Kids and certainly teens know what these terms mean and it is horrible seeing children cope with the ramifications of not being able to play with other kids. It’s infuriating and IMO criminal.
I have no great conclusions here. Talk to your spouse; he or she is probably feeling the same. Talk to a mental health professional. And talk to your friends. No doubt they are experiencing similar feelings. That sounds like a good place to start. And since you’re all my friends – I’m starting with you!
Great and much- needed column, Dave. I admire yiur courage, and couldn’t agree with you more. Please feel free to PM me anytime, my friend. Seriously. I’ve had some experience with this…
Thanks David. I appreciate your reaching out. All is well here or at least as well as we can make it. I just wanted to shake things up and talk about a reality that very few are talking about, which IMO is in itself a result of anxiety and depression. Hope all is well with you, yours and the new baby!
Not to mention the really lil ones my son is 4. Can’t play with his friends stuck in the house with his depressed parents. Watching way to much TV and You Tube. He is missing out on so much. It’s sad
I agree Tom. All we can do is our best. Perhaps find a friend or relative who can do a little babysitting; it might be good for you and the little one to see another face. I wish you and yours well.
Thank you very much for posting this. Depression is too often a taboo subject. I have in the past suffered big time with depression. I won’t go into details. I have been very fortunate because over the last few years I have learned some extremely valuable lessons. The most important one was to accept and embrace who you are – fully! It took me 63 years to reach that point. I thought I had to prove myself and to please everyone. I also held up deliberately high moral standards which I knew I would fail. I used to be hyper-critical of other people and by implication, myself. Once I was able to fully accept myself, I found an inner peace which has never gone away. I am comfortable in my own skin. I know what it’s like to have a dark cloud hanging over you. As soon as I accepted myself, the cloud disappeared. I have found mindfulness exercises very helpful. There are plenty of sites online for this. When I was back in the UK, I used to attend Quaker meetings which I found very therapeutic. We would sit in silence for an hour. Quakers call this “collective stillness”. I have to say that it was difficult to sit still for such a long time but I soon found the benefit, so much so that what often happened would be that I would drift off to sleep. If you are interested, look for mindful breathing exercises. They really do help, especially during this time. I have been confined indoors since early March, so I have had to adjust to the new situation. I am not going to say that it has been easy. I had planned a trip back to the UK in April but that was inevitably cancelled. I will now wait until the middle of next year before planning my trip. I have to say that whatever you may say about the restrictions which the local province had placed, they do seem to have the situation under control. What is absolutely vital is that we should all encourage each other during this pandemic, making sure that we follow the advice of those who know what they are talking about – the scientists. We are in the middle of a world crisis and countries need to cooperate in their fight against the virus. Anyway, I apologize for the length of my response. All the best, Bill.
Thanks Bill for your well thought out post. Hope you are well and remain that way!
Thanks for this post, Dave. It hits close to home, my children are having a rough time. My youngest is in a charter school with normal face-to-face classes (with masks), and is the only one of the family who is not greatly impacted nearly every day by the lockdown.
In my opinion, it’s the lockdown, not the virus, that has caused the most damage worldwide.
That’s great about your youngest and the charter school. And yes of course, it’s the lockdown even more than the virus. We will get through it!
This is a truly sad subject, Dave. I hope my own children and yours will not suffer from this terrible affliction. Speaking of children, did you and Janet not plan on a little mestizo of your own? I’m sure your own children will benefit from having such a thoughtful and wise father.
Always love your writings,
MiguelP
Thanks Miguel. Yes we do have a plan. Let’s hope it happens!
Where I live in Western Samar, quarantine on old people and kids lifted mid June. Best thing that could happen. Shockingly, the WHO -World Health Organization- just said lockdowns are wrong for the reason mentioned in the blog, and of course nan3y others.
The “old age” quarantine lifted here also, Steve. Although truth be told most of the over 60 crowd were already out and about. Many stores have forms to fill out before you can enter. There are lots of 59 year olds lol.
If anyone needs to talk just yell. I have been dealing with many aspects of mental illness. I’m a pretty good therapist by now.
Thanks Rik. So everybody – Rik’s the one you can yell at!
Great post, Seen you on YouTube and was curious (like yourself I gotta be nosey…lol) & looked you up found this page glad I did. I would really like to meet you one day when I get to the Philippines!!
Glad you are liking the videos and blog. Good luck coming to PI! Happy New Year!