All you have to do to drive up traffic and controversy on your blog, You Tube vlog, forum, or in expat conversations is state that “Filipinas are scammers” or “they all will take advantage of you.” Others will nod their heads in agreement or sagely advise to “let’s be careful out there.”
Let me state my argument up front. In 90% of the cases it’s a “you problem.”
Now I am not trying to suggest that there are not “bad” women in the Philippines looking for cash, just as there are any place in the world.
But going back to my refrain that you’re gonna read often, so get used to it; generally it’s a “you problem.”
After all, you have all the advantages. You’re typically older (in my case much, much older) with the alleged wisdom that comes with age. You have a 1st worlder’s sophistication and a 1st worlder’s education. And even if you’re poor as a church mouse, by Philippines standards you’re rich – at least a little bit rich 🙂
And the Filipina friend you’ve been cultivating online? Young and inexperienced, unsophisticated, without that 1st world education. And let’s not forget she has no money, nor have her parents. So you have all the advantages, right? Well expect for the fact that she’s cute (or in the case of Janet more than just cute), sweet, treats you great, has a traditional sensibility. And oh, did I mention she’s pretty damn cute?
Barely a day goes by in which I don’t hear a tale of woe about some guy who sent money to a girl online, built her a house, paid the medical expenses for her parents or uncle, etc. Then he found out that she – wait for it – wanted his money.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. This is the easiest problem in the dating world to navigate; don’t send any money to someone you have not met in person and are not in a serious relationship with. And if you choose not to heed that advise – it’s a “you problem.” And BTW, even after you have met and are in a relationship, stick to the common refrain “less is more.”
This is the easiest problem in the dating world to navigate; don’t send any money to someone you have not met in person and are not in a serious relationship with.
That being said, you could consider a “test” with a small amount of money. I did it with one of the women I was chatting with back in the day. She chatted online from an internet cafe, a pretty common occurrence in the Philippines. But she wasn’t online much; money was the obstacle. I finally proposed that I send her the princely sum of $20 on the condition that she use it solely for our chatting; you can chat a long time for 20 bucks in the Philippines. You can guess the outcome. A couple weeks later she finally got online and admitted she spent the money, probably on something foolish like food. For a tiny investment I had my answer and found a much better chat mate in Janet.
However, this can induce bruising so patients must be guided in order to get rid of cialis soft tablets such pain. According to recent stats, younger men are diagnosed with low-risk forms of viagra online consultation cancer may find that active surveillance is an option for them. The secretion of prostatic fluid is regulated by many different provisions and regulations. levitra generika 40mg Mechanisms of Zenegra The enzyme Sildenafil Citrate allows hard level inhibition of PDE5 enzyme which causes improvement of blood circulation in the penis erectile tissues called corpa cavernosa, levitra 60 mg thus creating an erection. When it comes to cash issues, the same is true after you get married. If you choose to shower your new wife with expensive gifts, send her siblings to the most costly university in Manila, buy her parents a yacht (ok, more likely an old pump boat), then you don’t get to complain afterwards that “she was just using me.” Once again – it’s a “you problem.”
Then there’s the refrain you often hear that all foreign women just want a green card. Right – cause every Filipina wants to live in a crazy place where we all just spent the last year arguing over Trump vs. Clinton 🙂
I’m not saying it doesn’t ever happen but I know 100+ Fil-Am couples living in my city and none of the women dumped their husbands the moment they got the green card. And believe me, with the exception of yours truly, none of these guys is exactly George Clooney.
And believe me, with the exception of yours truly, none of these guys is exactly George Clooney.
OK, I do know one couple that divorced and the green card was an issue. The guy is bright and successful but complained about the wife from the moment they married. Eventually he proposed they divorce but that he would allow her to get her 10 year green card first. Scammer that she was, she actually wanted to save the marriage; he didn’t. Well at least she got the green card.
Anyone who is an avid reader of this blog knows that I have made a mistake or two in my Philippines journey. I just thought it ridiculous to blame an entire country of women for the mistakes that I made. Well, that and the fact I still had lots of fun making those mistakes.
Now most of us are adults here. By that I mean that what you do is your choice. If you want to send money to a girl you haven’t met, or shower her family with cash and prizes or any of a huge number of foolish things guys do when they’re around women; well, it’s your money and your decision. You have the right to do whatever you want. Just don’t complain afterwards about how “they” are all scammers.
So guys – be careful in dating, whether you begin online or in country. Get to know each other as best as you can. Visit her as often as you can. Take your time. But in the end, you’re the one with the age, sophistication, education and resources. If things don’t go the way you hoped – say it with me – it’s a “you problem.”
Great article and advice Dave! Yes you know my stance very well on this issue and it really boils down to using good judgment and having high standards when looking for your mate.
Thanks Pete. In theory it should be easy at our age to not act like an idiot. In reality I guess it’s harder than it looks 🙂
Thats a good advice. One more thing just be sure the lady loves you. Before my husband family accused me of being a scammer but when i get in here they changed thier views about me. The truth my hubby is a spoiled one. I get him a boat, i bought him a ar15 and i bought him everything that i know i will make him happy. Mostly filipinas are lovable, spoiler and kind. I love him so much and im so grateful for everything he gaveth to me when im still in the Philippines. Maybe there is some that is bad and the only she wants is money. Anyways not only filipina, that does that. All around the world there is bad ladies and men that make it a job to scam people.
Great comment, Eva! Yes Janet is also generous with me. Even though she came to the US with nothing she started to work and save and likes to treat me periodically. Sometimes I have to tell her not to buy something for me – that I don’t really need it and to save her money. Thanks again!
Dave, Its a pleasure to read your posts. watch your videos!
Like your laid back wisdom and humor! Totally my wave length! Didn’t expect that from an American (I am a Brit who worked in LA as cameraman for 25 years, nothing but BS!)
I did some filming on my own in Phils in Jan/Feb 2016 and look forward to returning! Your advice and remarks are spot on!
In my experience, Filipinos(as) are wonderful people, friendly, smiling and stress free in spite of facing tremendous hardships.
I have watched vlogs by guys complaining that every filipina is a first class rip-off! These guys look like losers that no decent woman would want to have anything to do with! Their attitudes prove that they are not even able to recognise an honest woman, forget about attracting one!
They think a filipina woman is either too stupid or too desperate to care that they look like white-trash drug-dealers! Talk about a ‘YOU’ problem!
But none of us are immune from making errors of judgement sometimes and being convinced that the other person’s actions were to blame!
The internet is a place where you find everything – the good, the bad, the ugly as well as the wonderful!
You must separate the gems from the trash.The truth is that the percentage of male scammers who insult decent women by trying to persuade them to show themselves naked on cam right off the bat is way higher than the percentage of dishonest women on dating sites.
Your story proves a sincere and decent man, with the wisdom and understanding that comes with maturity, can win the heart of a beautiful, loving filipina many years younger and keep it!
Congratulations to you and your lovely wife, Janet! I wish you many more years of happiness!
Thanks Roy! Glad you’re enjoying the blog and videos. Hope you get to return to the Philippines soon. Separating the gems from the trash – totally agree both regarding Filipinos and expats!
This is really good advice, Dave.
I must admit that I did have a “me problem” with a previous chat mate, but my wife was completely different.
My wife NEVER asked me for anything when we were chatting on line, and NEVER after we met face to face. She was completely self-sufficient, and the cornerstone of her family.
Her father passed away when she was 12, and she (the eldest) took a major role in the family when her mother got sick soon after that. She worked after school until she graduated from high school, then started on college, but landed a great job in a call center and jumped out of the college track to take it. She then put her younger brother through school including college and took care of her mother.
I knew she did not need me, but instead wanted to be with me. I don’t resemble George Clooney (although I’ve read somewhere that you do), so I feel even more blessed that she saw something in me worth loving.
I can say without reservation, that there are many wonderful women in the Philippines, and they respect someone who respects themselves and sets boundaries.
My take on this issues is this: if you go fishing with dollar bills, you will attract a certain kind of person. If the fish tries to jump in your boat and take your wallet, you have all the information you need to make a wise decision.
Sounds like you ended up with a really good one, Reed. Congrats!
I liked your blog. And thanks for showing a better side to things. I however am in a worrying position and any advice would be appreciated.
My father has been online dating a filipina for over 6 years now. A real person as he has visited twice…. After 5 years she has finally had an annulment from marriage to another British guy. This itself has take numerous payments from my father. Then there’s the phone cards, broken phones, emergency operation and hospital stay that took 3 weeks before she could speak to him again… And needed rest of bill paying. There’s many more there and moat are actually quite small amounts of money. £50 here and there sometimes more.
My father is now 67 recently recovered from a hips operation, scraping a living in a drug friendly neighbourhood in a rented house. He barely scrapes by with his pension and working.
There has apparently always been the dream for him to move to the Philippines and build a nice house so they live together near her family.
Only recently this has changed… My father has recently found out he has a 16k pension lumpsum available from an old pension scheme long forgotten. This would enable him to move there immediately, build the house he always dreamt of and live handsomely on his state pension.
Now however his love is insisting that she lives in the UK first. My father cannot afford the visa, passport and all the fees and bribes to bring her here so instead is working longer and longer to try to achieve her demand. (if he cashes in his pension lump sum his pension allowance that is currently topped up would cease).
What can I do to help my father?
If he continues to work at his current rate in his I’ll health I will loose him. He wants to move to the Philippines but she refuses to start that life until she has lived here first…. How can I make my father understand that if she truly loves him she would let him move there now and not force him to keep working to pay for her to come here?
Hi Thomas. I am glad you are enjoying the blog.
I’m sure you realise that there is no way I can determine whether or not your father’s gf is good, bad or like most human beings, somewhere in between. Yes, at 67 (I just turned 66) continuing to work is not good for one’s future health. And based on what you are saying, as long as he lives in the UK he will need to work. So that is something your dad has to strongly consider; whether he wants to (or can) continue to work.
In all likelihood her desire is to obtain citizenship and perhaps work in the UK, where she can make far more money than she can make in the Philippines.
I can only tell my story. I was 58 when I first started chatting with Janet and 60 when we married in the US. I knew that I would be retiring in 3-4 years but I also knew that I did not want to live without her in the meantime. Therefore we did do the difficult and expensive Visa process. I let Janet know very definitively that I would be retiring and in all likelihood would not be retiring in the U.S. So once we married, we really spent the next few years planning our eventual life in the Philippines. In the meantime Janet did get her citizenship, which certainly has advantages, and re-obtained her PI citizenship once we moved here.
I suppose my only advise to your dad would be that he is at an age where he ought to do what he wants. If she loves him she will do it with him. If not there are many other Filipinas here.
It sounds like you are a good son and care about your dad. That’s a big thing as far as I am concerned; not all sons do. In the end you can’t convince him; you can only try to support his decision. If he chooses to move to the Philippines, help him with some of the logistics. If he chooses to bring her to the UK first, try to accept her, unless or until you find out something negative.
I wish him and you good luck. If you want you can share this and encourage him to contact me. But in the end it’s gonna be up to him.
Hi Thomas – Let me add a couple more things. I know many people around my age and older who are still working in the US. Some claim that they like working. If that’s really the case they ought to continue. But many work because they feel they have to financially. This often has to do with the goals of spouses and children. In the end it’s a rationalisation out of the fear of change. You know my opinion based on what I did; if I was your dad I would quit tomorrow and start packing 🙂
So I guess it really comes down to what he wants to do. Life is short and your dad ought to take the plunge – now. But it’s got to be his decision. Many of my friends were envious of what I did. But very few will do the same thing.
You can and should encourage your dad. But I’m sure you know there’s only so far you can “encourage” him. I wish you both the best. Tell him if he comes to Dumaguete, I’ll show him around.