How much money should you give your Filipina girlfriend? How much have your got?

I am going to take a few moments to discuss giving money, gifts or prizes to your girlfriend(s) in the Philippines. I am not going to discuss how much to give your wife. What do you think I am – nuts? I am a happily married newlywed and want to stay that way. Besides, Janet is working now and raking in the green; soon I’m gonna hit her up for a loan!

But honestly, you’ve met a cute Filipina and you’ve been chatting daily online for a while. Have you met her yet in the flesh? My rule of thumb was, if you havent’t met her yet, you’re not really in a relationship and why are you giving her money. OTOH, below I will detail a couple instances where I broke that rule.

Now, when I was chatting online I was a very very busy boy. I am sure I chatted and cammed with over 100 women. So for me the problem was not how to find girls but how to eliminate the also-rans, and who should I ultimately choose. If a girl I was chatting with was asking for money or even hinting at it, that made the decision easy. I said no and ended contact with her; ended it sadly a few times. This strikes me as Online Dating 101 behavior. A good girl in the Philippines is not going to ask you for money. Of course a bad girl might not ask you for money either – they know what you’re looking out for also. And frankly while there were many obviously ridiculous reasons to ask for cash (“I need a new webcam to do a show for you”) there were also a few girls who I thought might have been sincere in their needs. Nonetheless my rule was pretty inflexible; yours should be too.

NOTE: When the girl generously proposes performing via cam for you, if only you will provide her with the $75 dollars needed to buy a cam, point out the fact that nowadays you can get a cam for $20. Believe me, she won’t blink. “You cannot get one for that price in the Philippines, Sir.”

But seriously, everyone’s different and only you know what you can and cannot reasonably afford. OTOH, just because you can afford it, does that mean you should give it?

For example, do you really need to spend $300/night on that 5- star hotel in Manila? For what – just to impress her with a quality towel to steal? In most cases she will be clueless why the hotel is $300 (as am I) and will think you’re an idiot for spending 12,000 pesos for what is essentially a rented bed that the night before someone screwed a bargirl on.

I can send you to a very nice hotel in Manila for $100/night, she will be suitably impressed, and you can send me the difference.

My rule of thumb in traveling with a companion is to travel the way I normally would. I book the style of hotel I normally book on whatever budget reflects my normal traveling comfort. I eat at the types of restaurants I might normally eat at. So, I don’t spend more to impress someone but I don’t deliberately go cheap just to see what the girl’s reaction will be. Some guys do this and I don’t get it. Why should I be miserable on my own trip?

Besides, my strategy shows her what kind of life she will have with me. If you’re a 5-star guy, be a 5-star guy. If you’re a 2 1/2-star guy, welcome to the club. To beat this dead horse one more time, be the person you truly are with her!
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Here’s another point to remember and it’s just human nature – whether in the Philippines or anywhere else. It’s much easier to go up the spending ladder then down. Meaning it’s easier to spend more on your girlfriend than less. If you gave her a $5000 gift for Christmas last year (and if you did please immediately friend me on Facebook) then you’re gonna be hard pressed to give her a $50 gift this year – and live to tell the tale. On the other hand, if you gave her a $50 Christmas gift last year when you were dating, now that you are married you can easily justify bumping it up; a $55 gift means a 10% increase, which is better than a cost of living raise, isn’t it?

Let’s get back to the idea of never giving a girl money who you haven’t met. I think there might be an exception or two. For example, you’re going to meet soon and she needs air, bus or ferry fare to meet you. You should expect to pay. If she’s taking a 7-hour ferry ride (as Janet did) to meet you, don’t just spring for the cheapest ticket; she needs a bed to sleep on and a bag or two of chicharon. If she tells you not to worry, that she can pay, then start worrying; either she’s one of those rare middle class Filipinas I blogged about or one of those not so rare bar girls I won’t blog about.

The other option is to give a girl you’re interested in a small amount of money or a small gift to test her. If you give her a $20 gift and she reacts by calling you a cheap bastard and screams that you’re worse than the five Pinoy boyfriends she has – well, you have your answer. If she is thrilled, then you might have met a really good one. I sent Janet a dozen roses for Valentines Day. She was in heaven, told everyone, and posted pics on Facebook of her with the flowers in every conceivable angle and setting.

On the other hand, a year before, I was chatting with a girl I liked. Our chatting was inconsistent since she only could chat in the Internet Cafe and she was always too broke for the café. I told her I really wanted to chat with her more often to see if we were a good match. I proposed that I would be willing to send her $20 which she would use only for Internet Cafe fees. She agreed and promised she’d only use it for chatting. You can guess the conclusion of the story. A week went by before I heard from her again and at that point she admitted she’d spent the money on her needs. So for the small sum of $20, despite the fact that she had a body you could shake a stick at (if that’s your idea of a good time), I found out she was not the one for me.

The irony of all this is that many men have tired of the hoops they have to jump through to obtain Western women. So, they rationalize (and a good rationale IMO) that a non-Western woman with more modest needs and requirements might be better. Then what happens? Some guys immediately begin treating their Filipina woman like a Western woman and feel the need to shower her with cash and prizes. You should resist that urge.

But who am I to tell you what you can and can’t do with your own money. Maybe you’re Donald Trump and you can afford all the $10,000 hair pieces you want. For a person like that a $1000 gift to your girlfriend might be nothing. Again, if you are in this category, please friend me on Facebook; it’s Dave Weisbord – that’s W-E-I-S-B-O-R-D.